New Dawn Transmission - Nic Sheff's Journal of Recovery: 49 Bye

Saturday, November 8, 2008

49 Bye

Hey,
So I’m closing down this blog thing.
I really appreciate everyone supporting me on this site, but I feel like I need to focus on some other projects right now.
I just did the coast drive up from LA to Portland where I’m gonna be living for awhile. It’s gonna be cool to get out of the crazy LA whatever for awhile—breathe some clean air—write—hang out with my dog. I’m starting school in January, so I really wanna take some time to get my head and shit together.
So that’s it really.
I’m doing some more touring for the paperback edition at the end of January.
It’s crazy how everything is always changing. I mean, that’s like the one constant in life. And, for me, well, that gives me a reason to keep on trying. ‘Cause anything can happen—anything. That’s why I need to hold on. ‘Cause I never know. No one does.
Life is change.
That is beautiful.
And, like Sly says, you don’t have to die before you live.
You don’t.
Okay.
Love.
Nic

8806 comments:

«Oldest ‹Older 1 – 200 of 8806 Newer› Newest»

bianca. said...: be safe nic.

love,
bianca; November 8, 2008 6:44 PM
Eve said...: It is a shame you have to close down the blog cos I have a feeling it has a lot to do with the countless weird messages that some people were posting. But a lot of people truly enjoyed your writing and I definitely hope to see some more of it one day.

I definitely wish you well in everything you do.
Take care!; November 8, 2008 7:05 PM
sandy said...: alright nic!
i wish you...
a chance...
many chances,
in fact.

find peace.
find a way to make a difference.

be honest.
have intregity.
reach out.
be strong.

smile.
and.
of course.
love.; November 8, 2008 7:06 PM
Anonymous said...: alright take care dude. why portland, is that were the school is? Well I hope it all works out for you either way and I take it your gf is moving with you?
Also hope your friend is doing okay now.
I will keep my eyes open around the time of the book tour and hope to hear how things are going with you then. All the best Nic!; November 8, 2008 7:10 PM
Kathryn said...: aww that is a real shame I really loved reading your posts and seeing how you were doing and I pray you continue to do fine. I wish you the best of luck with school and everything you want to do in life. Take care of yourself and if you ever feel like it, an update would be great!; November 8, 2008 7:17 PM
sandy said...: oh yeah..
one more thing..

"roll down the window..
let the wind blow back your hair...the nights bustin open and those 2 lanes will take ya anywhere [portland].....ya got one last chance to make it real!....
{heaven's waitin' on down
the track}

okay. i'm out. goodlucknic.; November 8, 2008 7:40 PM
Tom said...: That sucks! But I just cannot blame you there were one too many crazy people on here stalking you. That said, I wish you well and hope to hear from you again eventually.; November 8, 2008 7:41 PM
Chardonnay said...: Safe travels Nic!

Wishing nothing but the very best for you!!!; November 8, 2008 7:44 PM
justsashthoughts16 said...: Hey, Nic I'm sorry to read that you are closing down your blog, I will truly miss reading something from you everyday,but I am so happy that you are continuing to live your life wherever it may take you. Live it to the fullest,and think yourself happy, you can do it, I know. I wish you the best of luck, and keep writing, I try to everyday and it hepls tremendously. Thanks for sharing you,Nic. Bye, love Sasha; November 8, 2008 7:53 PM
ayephoebe said...: Man, I'm bummed you're closing the blog down, I really enjoy your writing. I can always relate to it.
I hope school goes well for you, enjoy Portland, it's a beautiful city.
Take care,
Phoebe.; November 8, 2008 7:59 PM
enigma said...: I am bummed too, but think you will like Portland. A lot of diversity, lots of places to hike with you dog and tons of coffee shops. The rainy season just started, but on clear days, there are beautiful views of the mountains. Hope you do part of your tour in Portland! Stay safe Nic and Take care. I am really going to miss your writing, it really inspired me.; November 8, 2008 8:27 PM
enigma said...: Oh and if you want any info on some good AA meetings in Portland, I can probably get some info for you.; November 8, 2008 8:32 PM
Ambone said...: Great to hear from you! It's about time you ditched us! JK!
Good luck in Portland! Luck, or what ever. You will love it there. It's an awesome place, wish I lived there actually... I dunno, I'm still enjoying Reno. Nevada is so VAST and beautiful.
Well, I did enjoy your blogs, and will miss them. I am glad you are moving on. Keep CHANGING! Best wishes!
:P; November 8, 2008 8:41 PM
earthdday96 said...: All I can say say is thank god u r alright !!! THAT- in all of this is ALL that really matters ! I will miss reading your words and knowing that u r alright ...because each day I have found myself checking on you as I also check to make sure my own baby who is just turning 24 and living in Brooklyn is alright.
Somehow, someway we need to let go , but it is SOOO INCREDIBLY hard !!. We bring you babies into this world and never , ever mean to do anything but ALL the right things..always wanting to make things right & fix all that has ever gone wrong,fix what has ever made you sad or caused you dissapointment..I have to tell you that when someone said you were dead(some sick someone out there mind you) , I had to respond..I WAS SICK !...I felt as though I had had heard the news about my own son..the news as your dad says a parents is ALWAYS DREADING.And so again I am just So Happy to hear that you are alright..just as when I get a message from my son -for today I can breathe that sigh of relief that I , we still have today and again how true that that is all we are given anyway ..so thank you Nic..for letting me know you are alright and searching and staying stronger than most of us would be able to under the circumstances you have faced..so peace baby..good luck..be well i will always be thinking of you and my boy ....you are in my heart ....; November 8, 2008 9:09 PM
beth said...: thanks for sharing all that you did. you've helped me get out of my own head and start living again. i wish you only success in life, love and sobriety.

you're a talented writer who kept me always wanting more- so hopefully there will be another book.

you'll be missed nic

be well-; November 8, 2008 9:21 PM
Anonymous said...: dear friend of our Friend sandy has given good words to travel by we're a funny lot arn't we hearing with our eyes and seeing with our ears i love you and your rescue dog be the story love one in our tribe fly like an eagle free where ye Be; November 8, 2008 9:26 PM
Anonymous said...: I'm definitely bummed that you're not going to blog anymore. I loved reading what you wrote on here - reminiscent stories, random thoughts.. it's just how you write. It's plain good.; November 8, 2008 9:48 PM
Anonymous said...: you probably won't read this but I just wanted to say thanks. this sounds crazy man but you've kinda changed my life.. for the better. someone said "find a way to make a difference"
you already have; November 8, 2008 11:05 PM
Briar Rosebud said...: Be safe, this girl will miss you.

And remember "the darkest hour is always right before the dawn."; November 9, 2008 1:01 AM
Anonymous said...: So happy to hear from you!!!! Sounds like January is going to get pretty busy for you with school and touring. Good luck Nic. I know we will hear from you again soon. Somewhere.

This is a real disappointment for me. Your blog is the first place I have ever posted---and only after your "Try" narrative.(I hope that your friend is fighting back and getting clean.) I learned a little and I laughed a little (learned some new fucktabulous vocabulary!) I did get pissed off a LOT. Especially this last week or so. I think there are a lot of people who crave attention and just enjoy stirring the pot so to speak. There were some real assholes screwing around here as you well know.

The bottom line is, most of us checked back often to hear from you because we like reading your stuff and because we care about you. We care about you, because your story and your writing, and your Dad's writing, pulled us in. You touched my heart even though we are strangers. Not that easy to do.

If nothing else, you should feel validated as a writer. Your good.

Might you reconsider.....?

XOXOXOX; November 9, 2008 4:47 AM
Anonymous said...: I want so second just about everything the poster above me wrote.
I am sorry you had to deal with a few assholes that kept trying to take away the meaning of this blog but just know a lot of us did come over to this site to read your writing and to see how you are doing. The two or three people that tried to undermine all of that with their weird attention seeking posts can't really take away from that so I do hope you realize that and yes if you might ever reconsider that would be nice.
If not, it will be because you have many other things to do in your life so good luck!!; November 9, 2008 6:25 AM
KC said...: Good luck, Nic. You're a very talented writer with a beautiful mind and if, just if you keep on the right track is going to take you amazing places.

Have fun.; November 9, 2008 9:25 AM
trisherann said...: I'm sad you are leaving but thankful for what you did post, so "Thank You."; November 9, 2008 11:00 AM
bianca. said...: another comment from me...

i barely slept last night... i am scared for you right now. scared... because something is gnawing away at me...

telling me that you shouldn't go... that you shouldn't stop writing here.

maybe i'm being selfish because i want to keep reading?

but something is tearing at my heart.

focusing on other things is good... but i have read your book, and breaking good habits for you is not.

i'm nervous.

what do you need to focus on? is it your relationship? or your tour? i don't know... but i hope... i really really hope that it's something positive.

because i recall the countless amount of times you've said "i always seem to have good intentions".

i want you to be okay. in every single thing that you do.

hold your head high, breathe deep, walk a straight path, protect your heart, love yourself. be free.

love,
me.; November 9, 2008 11:06 AM
LadyMissSusan said...: Bummer. You'll be missed.
You're story really made an impression on me.
Good luck in school, in recovery and in life.; November 9, 2008 12:43 PM
Sheri said...: Nic,

I personally think this is a great step for you. I am selfish too and will miss your writing and insight, but I trust that we will see your name conected to other writing.

I think it is so important that you take time for yourself, and not be influenced, by mostly, well meaning strangers. With a few exceptions, I believe the followers here wish you well. But none of KNOW you and we were all free in giving advice (myself included...). You know you and you have a great support system around you, use them.

Be well, be true to yourself... and remember who you are!

Sheri; November 9, 2008 1:29 PM
...for who made the stars said...: Thanks for being so great Nic. I really enjoyed reading your blog as it was light for me. Take care of yourself and i hope you can make it down to Australia one day for a signing or something.

Thanks for everything & keep your itegrity,

Marina; November 9, 2008 1:48 PM
dani said...: sad to see you shut it down but it makes sense.
wish you all the best and good luck. hope to read more of work someday.

hold on.

dani; November 9, 2008 2:39 PM
Tim said...: Nic says:
"It’s gonna be cool to get out of the crazy LA whatever for awhile—breathe some clean air—write—hang out with my dog."
What I like about Nic's writing is you always leave with a few questions to ask. Are you still in your latest relationship? How is your roommate, who relapsed, doing? What happened in LA, that you're happy to be out?
Nic, I wish you the best in life. Always remember that girl that you noticed in the coffee shop a few months ago. Thirty minutes of the greatest high isn't worth the months of hell that will follow. Never, ever get to far ahead of yourself. Stay in the present and you'll do fine.
May peace be with you at all times.
Tim; November 9, 2008 2:52 PM
sandy said...: .....be your own best friend.; November 9, 2008 2:55 PM
jen said...: sorry to see you go...glad you are doing something with this short life we have to live. remember to tread lightly on mother earth- she is all we have. and always- stay true to yourself and do your best.

goodbye.; November 9, 2008 3:32 PM
Modern Magdalene said...: You and _____ please be safe, happy, and good to each other in Portland. I know _____ will be glad to be home. Good for you for leaving the city of angels and demons. Just remember little old me if your book tour brings you back to visit la familia.Your grandparents are still the coolest "old people" I've met in a long time. (don't tell them I called them old). Be well, chase happiness, and eventually you'll catch it. love and peace
amy; November 9, 2008 4:56 PM
Tammy S. said...: I read your book and your Dad's while my 16yo daughter was in rehab. I gained alot of strength from reading both books.

Good luck with your life. Remember you have touched thousands of lives in a very positive way.
Thank you for sharing your life Nic Sheff.; November 9, 2008 4:58 PM
Smoo said...: Good luck

Have fun; November 9, 2008 5:03 PM
Anonymous said...: Nic, by chance I happened to pick up your dad's book in a Starbucks because I was getting on a flight. Read the whole thing and was hoping I could google you to find out how you were doing. Then after seeing you had written a book, I had to go out and by that one. You are an awesome writer and hope you keep moving forward. I hope you will give an update from time to time somewhere. I was so moved by your story, you are truly a very unique and special person of your own. Truly best wishes to you. You have an great future waiting for you.; November 9, 2008 11:02 PM
Donis said...: Nic,
I will miss reading you blog, but I definitely understand your shutting it down. Good luck to you, I wish you nothing but the best. I'll check in with you from time to time to see how you are doing. I hope your tour brings you to the midwest this time. I would really enjoy meeting you.

Stay strong and focused. Think the good thoughts!; November 10, 2008 6:15 AM
Becky said...: I wish you could keep this blog going... you help everyone with addiction... and not just drugs.

Please reconsider...; November 10, 2008 6:31 AM
Anonymous said...: What's the significance of the "49"; November 10, 2008 6:48 AM
sunwazblu said...: Happy to hear you are doing what you need to. You have to live for YOU. You are a writer. You need to making a living. Don't give it away! Wishing you the very best that life has to offer.; November 10, 2008 7:21 AM
airam said...: good luck friend :)
thanks for sharing

peace&love
maria; November 10, 2008 9:18 AM
Marianne said...: Sly also said

Stand
Don't you know that you are free
Well at least in your mind if you want to be

Please keep in touch through Myspace. I'm still prayin...; November 10, 2008 9:38 AM
Anonymous said...: He and two of his children died...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-K7B4UA3tg&NR=1

This man died in 1982. But what makes him alive again, is not youtube or the popular vote. It is The Trueth. For some reason, the Melody has released these songs recently. And so too have others... For Release.

The second death, (physical death)in the plane -- no pain of soul -- no fear.

The first death is a death to self. A letting go... A "closing down of the bla, bla, bla..." And that goes for all of us. Faith is believing is something you can not see. A new birth. Nic, like everyone, needs a safe place to be enveloped in the intimate love of God in a sometimes messy and bloody project. It is not public during this time. It is private. Nobody should feel that this precious time should be idolized or made public. THIS very idea causes one to hurt. A new birth experience is very similar to a mother giving birth. Contractions start -- might be false labor.. and maybe the baby gets stuck and there needs to be some help or a C section... It is not a place for judging eyes. No. So, "let him go to let Him Be..." Family and Friends are near.

John Lennon's death was tragic because he did not know what "Mother Mary" meant by let "it" be. He did not tell anyone what "it" was. He did not know.

LOVE.
Let Him Be; November 10, 2008 9:59 AM
Alana said...: Nic, the Portland area is beautiful. I love it here, aside from the heavy-heavy rainfall all winter long and the unflinching gray skies, which begin to feel oppressive around February, I've been nothing but happy here. Canon Beach and Newport Beach are two of the kid and I's favorite places, as is Bend, where we saw The Stone Temple Pilots and Black Rebel Motorcycle Club Labor Day. Mount Hood is an amazing place to hike with the pooch. Lots of skiing and snowboarding up there too. Enjoy the city. Excellent art scene here as well. Lots of great writers around. You should check out Rachel Resnick at Powell's Nov. 12. Keep writing.

Peace,
A; November 10, 2008 10:57 AM
Samantha said...: I am so sad.

I became so attached to this blog, all of your postings, but I guess I have to let go. :(

good luck with everything and I hope to be reading more books from Nic Sheff in the future.

Bye N

Bye everyone else on here.

Love S; November 10, 2008 11:11 AM
Anonymous said...: I also wonder what 49 means, anyone know?

Nic is your new school in Portland? or are you going to be moving again in January to wherever your school is.

I guess you probably wont be reading this anymore since you left but maybe someone else knows...; November 10, 2008 11:17 AM
Emily said...: SCHOOL, SCHOOL. SCHOOL, this is music to my ears Nicky! I'm sending you a huge hug and the best of wishes. You will do well if you put your head in it. You have an amazing talent. This I know, because I am just an average girl who loves to read those memoirs from people like you. Your words have touched me in ways you will not know! Please remember, when things seem to get to difficult to bear (as they will) its only just another exit on a highway! Just fill up at the nearest fill station (whatever the fuel price is) and get back on the freeway! Lots of love and respect!
-Emily; November 10, 2008 11:37 AM
Tricia said...: Nic, I'm disappointed you aren't going to continue the blog will miss you a lot. I do realize you have to do what's best for you. I wish you luck with school and your next book tour. Take Care!; November 10, 2008 12:13 PM
Anonymous said...: May the four winds blow you safely home.....

Strength & Peace to you

Gwendolyn; November 10, 2008 12:26 PM
Anonymous said...: Get ready... I am going to give away the secret to 49 in a long post. It is a true story and might be too long for some of you. So, you can pass the scroll in you want. Just giving you the heads up. For spellerguy... I should write it on microsoft word. I hope it helps some of you wee ones who might be feeling a little lost... The simple short version is 49 is one less than 50. 50 is half of 100. 4 is the letter D and 9 is the letter I. DI... And 5 is the letter E. Just logic, you know? Oh and one more thing. Movie. I am watching The Apocalypse with Richard Harris. (A little HX lesson. and in the words of David Sheff "the best this world has to offer". B Back with my Freeway and Fuel Story re: 49. LOVE LOVE LOVE; November 10, 2008 1:22 PM
Anonymous said...: Nic did not travel N on the I5... YOUR story is right in front of YOU. YOUR story is NOT Nic's Story. Wake up little ones. It's time to wake up and face The Day.; November 10, 2008 1:25 PM
sandy said...: ack.; November 10, 2008 2:36 PM
Anonymous said...: In 1997 and 1998 I was inspired to write two little books – poetic metaphors. “Children’s books for adults” I said to publishes that could not think of the right “promotional nitch”. Included were illustrations -- paintings and sculptures. Along with a lot of other things going on at that time, the story was published by a local arts journal and the original painting were hung in a new building for a non-profit organization on loan.
At the time, we were on a special debt plan and we were struggling. Some guy at a church found out we were struggling and went to the non-profit director and said, “I will buy this painting. I want to remain anon, so, ask her what she would take for the painting. I will buy it, and give it back to this non-profit.” The director called me and told me this.
Now, this painting/ illustration was the most important of this little book. It was the place “in the middle”. () It was a painting of a woman rapping herself around a large Rock in the middle of her path. She had learned by that time that aspects or pieces of the Rock would do her no good. The Rock offered her warmth in the night and in the heat of the day, The Rock offered her coolness and shade. Even though she knew how to dance her path very well, she had come to learn the only place for her was The Rock. So… there she be. And she Listened… and anked and answered questions honestly – from the heart (The writing goes on – but this is the painting we’re talking about… the middle.)
So… of course I was thinking. This must be a gift from God! During a time when we really need the money! BUT, in my heart I was SURE I was NOT to “sell” any “originals”. I forgot. So in a moment, when the director called me to tell me this, I said yes. My heart sunk into my gut. “OH NO!” I called him back and asked who wanted to buy it. My thought was, if this man connected to the painting, I would tell him the meaning and I would gift him the painting with the story. But I was told, “No, he really does not want the painting. It was more of an idea to help you out and get a tax right off at the same time – while gifting it back to this place.”
An ager from another world came up inside me like no other time in my life.
I had keys to the place. I knew something was up. “The Story” was right in front of me. “NO GIVE TO GET!” That night, there was a great storm. Thunder and lightening. I got into my then, red arrow start van, and with rain pouring down, unlocked the doors to the non-porfit and took the painting off the wall. And then, I went looking for the man. I went door to door to those I thought might do this, asking, “Was it YOU that wanted to by this painting?” My friend, B, said, “No… I wish it was me”. (B get’s it – would have gladly taken the upcoming hit.)
I looked for this man for many days. I did not find him. He would be an anon forever… So, I kept the painting in the red Ford Aero Star extended Van in the “back-back” as we call it.
Then… another storm. A few weeks later, this night my son was lost! He did not call… I did not know where he was! I HAD to find him! So, I got into the van and with rain pouring down, I went out into the city looking for my son. I was crazy to find him. I drove down Mount Baker Highway – down Sunset and… I was OUT OF GAS! And… as I explained, we had no money.
No money – out of gas… frantic… needed to find my son.
Over the years, I had befriended a woman who worked at the gas station on Sunset. We would chit-chat. I learned about her life… she took care of her aging father… and she dressed as a clown for sick children. I remember her look. Long thick brown hair. A lovely soul… a non-church going smoker. I wish I could remember her name now. (It might have changed). Anyway, that night she was working. And I ran into the station, out of the storm. I huffed, “I am a desperate mother! I must find my son! He has not called, and I know where he hangs out – I need to find him, but I have no money and my gas tank is empty. I know this is against all rules now days. I need gas today, but I can’t pay….”

And it was THEN that I remembered that painting! YES… I thought “No one in the ‘church’ wants it…. I will give it to her!’ I ran out to the car, I prayed for the future – those who find themselves without any oil and someone or something they do not have during a desperate time. “LORD… as a symbol of what is Real, True, Peaceful and YOU… may It be possible that whatever “fuels us” as people point to the place in the middle – may they clearly see it is of YOU and The Cross?”
I thought, if she takes this painting for gas, so be it.
I brought in the painting and asked her if she liked it…
She started to cry. I handed it to her over the counter as she suggested. She looked at it and she said, “This is exactly where I am right now. Resting, crying, listening… “
“I want you to have it. Free. I can’t pay for gas today, but I can write an IOU and pay for it in 2 days. Will you let me do this?” Without hesitation, she said yes. I filled my tank, and I started to look for my son…
Later, I went back to pay for the gas. Another person was in the station. I told her about the IOU. She found nothing…

I gave the gas station lady “The Original Middle.
And so is the story. Who is The Real Original and WHO pays for “our gas?”
Freely He gave His Life, so that we might live.
To never thirst again...
To be freely lead on the highways and country roads… His Path is New, paid in a blood promise.
To be sheltered
In the midst of a storm… inside and out.
50/50 is not fun or funny. It is REAL and as long as we try and tip the scales in our directly, we get too heavy for our own good – or anyone’s good. Still, The Maker will use you as an example or a picture for others one way or the other. Eyes are open to the WHOLE with the gift of faith…
It is BETTER to wake up to His call and give him what we think is “our original” (ourselves ) back to The Artist) As Author and Artist, He does whatever He wants with His Originals. One thing I know, He paid the Price for me. All of me. And in the end, HE is greater than “try”. If we need to go toe to toe with Him… He will. And time will feel like an enemy rather than a gift. And as soon as we see who we’ve been fighting against… there is and will be surrender. The Lover and Maker of our soul is logically, undeniably, The Truth and The Life and The Way…
If it’s 51 to 49 – one way or the other, you gotta say, “bye”.; November 10, 2008 3:07 PM
Beege said...: 49 Bye Byes...Stephen Stills
******************
49 reasons all in a line.
All of them good ones...
All of them lies.
Driftin' with my lady
we're oldest of friends.
Need a little work, and there's fences to mend.
Steady girl, be my world.
Till the drifter come, now she's gone.
I let that man play his hand.
I let them go, how was I to know?
I'm down on my knees.
Nobody left to please.
Now it's over, they left in the spring.
Her and the drifter looking for beautiful things.
Steady girl, be my world.
Till the drifter come, now she's gone.
I let that man play his hand.
I let them go, how was I to know?
I'm down on my knees.
Nobody left to please.
On my knees,
Feeling wrong.
Mama's gone
Bye bye baby
Write if you think of it maybe
Know I love you
Go if it means that much to you
hey but you can run babe
If the feeling's wrong
Before too long it's crazy
And you're trapped babe
And you know that's not where it's at babe
You're just seein' things through a cat's eye, baby.
That's not my old lady
Come on and tell me baby
who do you, who do you love?
Time will tell us
Who is trying to sell us
Bye bye baby
Write if you think of it maybe.
Hey but you can run baby.
If the feeling's wrong, before too long, it's crazy.
And you'll try babe, and you'll know that's not
where' it's at now, baby.
You're just seein' things through a cat's eye, baby.
That's not my ol' lady.
Come on and tell me baby.
You better tell me baby.
Who do you, who do you love?; November 10, 2008 4:33 PM
Anonymous said...: Thank you beege for that explanation. Never read or saw that before I take it it is a song or a poem or something?
Either way thanks now we know where that stands for.; November 10, 2008 4:50 PM
Anonymous said...: Nov 10th 2008 11:20AM
Venus Ventures Across the Sky
So much happened this weekend with so little time to discuss it all. Here are some of the highlights.

Oh... so a reconsider?

Venus began a trip across the sky on its way to a rare gathering with Jupiter. By the end of the month the two planets and the moon will be so close together you could hide all three with your thumb held out at arm's length, according to NASA news. What does this celestial convergence mean for your horoscope? Check it out here on AOL.

The Tennessee Titans and University of Alabama held on to their undefeated records, while Penn State dropped in rank. In other sports, Jimmie Johnson won in Phoenix and just about clinched his third consecutive NASCAR Sprint Cup Series title.

Many questions remain unanswered in the days following the presidential election. What is in store for the Republican Party? Who will Obama appoint for his cabinet? While speculations keep flying, we still wait for answers.
It was a busy weekend with lots to talk about. Did we miss anything? Let us know! Come back tomorrow for more Hot Searches.

STILLS, NASH, AND YOUNG...
"whatever"; November 10, 2008 4:52 PM
Anonymous said...: Same thing, as I can see it...
Why didn't the writer give credit where credit was due? The 49 reasons, or whatever... all it takes is damn one reason....; November 10, 2008 4:56 PM
trudymorgancole said...: I've enjoyed reading your blog as I enjoyed reading your book. I'll keep an eye out for other news of you; hopefully another book someday. Stay well.; November 10, 2008 5:00 PM
Anonymous said...: well it WAS on the AOL news... now it is NOT. I tried. But now AOL is putting up new news. How can I give credit where credit is due in the ever changing world? Does ANYTHING stay the same?!!; November 10, 2008 5:09 PM
MissKris said...: Good Luck Nic Sheff!! I'll miss your blog but of course you gotta do whats best for you. I hope to see something from you soon!
Kristyn; November 10, 2008 5:16 PM
Anonymous said...: "Time will tell us
Who is trying to sell us"

Or A True Voice!
A slow mind and logic, in time.
A self focus and need to "be a part" of the change in world government.

That's "too heavy" for me, man.; November 10, 2008 5:20 PM
Anonymous said...: One's reason...
"I LOVE MY CHILDREN!"
The kids gotta choose what daddy to live with... The mother does not know who da' daddy... She knows HER Daddy... But the kids don't like never-change-stay-the-same-all-the-time-Grand Father.; November 10, 2008 5:31 PM
Sarah Ann said...: I have to say my heart sank when I read this Nic.
I hope you do well, and keep smiling everyday.
And hopefully I'lll catch you the next time you're in Arizona.

With love,
Sarah; November 10, 2008 8:48 PM
Anonymous said...: Sarah, I read your post and some poems, and I was inspired...
My heart was moved, and my mind too. Be encouraged and when you write, read it back to your own heart -- for youself as if it was written to you, you know?

I Have Seen...

I have seen many births...
But not nearly as many as some…
My emotions are intense and Unpredictable when a baby is born.
Sometimes I smile with mom and dad…
Sometimes I cry with the baby.
These emotions are a gift
If secure...
If we know where they come.
Otherwise, we run for Release...

The well of Livingwaters is where I pray – “LORD, help me Live it." I will write, dear poets,
What I have seen...

I observed that the great percentage of infants born to laboring mothers
Are not born into traditional Husband and Wife Families…
In the words of a fine poet,
“It makes my heart sink”.
And in the words of another,
“I feel it in my gut”.

I have seen newborns addicted – Born to a mother who is an addict
I have seen newborns born to two Mothers – conceived by a Stranger’s issues.
I have seen babies born to two Fathers – a woman-friend of two Men who mix their issues
I have seen her carry the Conception in her womb…
I have seen two men Called “fathers” catch the newborn Between her legs…
I have seen one mother birth a Newborn,
I have seen the other mother beg The doctor for hormone so SHE can breast feed.
I have seen newborns born to Developmentally disabled women
And couples…
I have seen newborns born to Mentally ill mothers --
I have seen mentally ill mothers Birth twelve or more newborns – Wach time the babies are taken away…
I have seen the effects of “rights” called legal
To engage in sexual relations Without contraception as a Freedom...
I have seen one of her infants… Born into this world without the Loving arms of a mother she felt In her heart she might not know.
I have seen infants born and Immediately become a ward of the State.

I have seen mothers in labor who Are in fear of their lives and the Lives of their newborns.
I have seen a father yell at his Daughter-teen, screaming: “I hope You remember this pain!”
I have seen fear in teenagers who Do not want to “give up”
I have seen teenagers not Progressing… and I have seen Babies “holding on”
I have seen good teen mothers Giving away their newborns because Of their parents.
I have seen parents fight for Daughters for primary custody of The newborn...
I have seen unfit teen mothers Keeping their newborns…
I have seen a twelve year old Keeping her newborn,
I have seen the twelve year old Walking out the door – baby in a Loaner car seat…
I have seen the twelve year old Forget to comb her own hair and tie her own shoes…
I have seen women carrying a Litter of infants because of Infertility issues…
I have seen mothers carry and Labor and birth an infant for Their daughters
I have seen sisters carry and Labor and birth an infant
For the other…
I have seen “No” not taken for an Answer no matter “the age”.
On the other hand…
I have walked along side friends Directly after an abortion
I have wept with my friend as she Morns loss – even though it was her choice.
I have held her when she shakes And suffers the memory of the Machine-sounds-vacuum…
I have wept with her as she tells Of her choice to sucks “the Growing tissue” from her womb
I have wept with her because she Knows it is more than her womb…
I have help her as she has sobbed, Holding her own breasts preparing To make milk….
I have heard her cry, “My whole Body, spirit and mind hurts with Such a choice…”

I have offered to walk along side Friends directly after her abortion,
I have heard her tell
Herself and me, “I don’t need Anything – I will be fine in a few days.”

I have heard the phone ring… 1 – 5 – 10 – 15 years later…
She is not fine…
______________________________________________________________________
Dear Poets:

We must cry.
We must write the truth…
Our "hearts will sink", and Our "Stomachs will turn".
Today, many have been "conceived" –
These growing ones are confused
Like the children’s book,
“Are YOU My Mother?”
These wee ones are seeking and Searching for their True Parent
In the Web of words...

___________________________________
Dear Poets:

We must cry.
We must write The Truth…
Our hearts will sink, and our Stomachs will turn
But we must write The Truth…
Truth, in love
In LOVE, the Truth
LOVE The Truth…

What I did see, is a picture of
Spiritual infants growing within Wombs that may or may not "parent"
There is nothing new...
But today, the picture is clear.
So we write and we pray...
________________________________

Jesus Teaches Nicodemus
1Now there was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a member of the Jewish ruling council. 2He came to Jesus at night and said, "Rabbi, we know you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the miraculous signs you are doing if God were not with him."
3In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.[a]"

4"How can a man be born when he is old?" Nicodemus asked. "Surely he cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb to be born!"

5Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. 6Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit[b] gives birth to spirit. 7You should not be surprised at my saying, 'You[c] must be born again.' 8The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

Today if you hear His voice, do Not harden your heart.; November 11, 2008 10:11 AM
Anonymous said...: I am so sad to read your last entry. I just finished reading your book and have been thinking about you a lot- how you are doing right now in your journey of life. I googled you this morning and was so happy to see you had a blog. Thank you for sharing your "insides". :) It is REAL. It is brutally honest. And I respect that beyond anything in this world. Honesty. That's hard for me. But you have inspired me. THANK YOU. I wish you all the best.; November 11, 2008 10:39 AM
Anonymous said...: Good. So, anon -- has a place... I don't know about blogs. I really don't.

Oh, I am sorry, I gotta do it to poor Em...

"I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring blog-bog!

To Be or Not to Bee?
Anon is an anon, is an anon is Anon.; November 11, 2008 11:05 AM
Anonymous said...: Good. So, anon -- has a place... I don't know about blogs. I really don't.

Oh, I am sorry, I gotta do it to poor Em...

"I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring blog-bog!

To Be or Not to Bee?
Anon is an anon, is an anon is Anon.; November 11, 2008 11:05 AM
Jaak said...: I regret not finding this blog earlier, but I'm glad you are continuing on, perhaps just in different ways. I'd love to hear you speak on this book, I'll be on the look out for anything on the east coast.
I don't even know you but I feel like I do. Keep fighting, because you're right, change isn't something that has to destroy. Hopefully you'll start blogging again one day, I'd love to keep updated.
Good luck in school and living in Portland (though I've never been to the west coast, I am insanely jealous).
-Blair; November 11, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous said...: "THANK YOU. I wish you all the best."

Okay, Okay, Okay...
Refine, fine, refine,fine, refine...
You know what it is to be "overworked". Gets Uggie.
Too much "I CAN make it better"
Then it passes the place of no return.

I would have done the
Design on a Dime
Thing.
But I am broke!
So, it is what it is.
Fine.
Really.
Honestly.
What is that in your mouth?
Are you sucking on a dum-dum?
I hope you have Hand Wipes.
No sticky on the keys!; November 11, 2008 11:31 AM
Anonymous said...: WOW!
Do you know there are churches that fight all the time and talk about issues and vote and meet and do all this stuff in order to "maintain the unity" in the Spirit. How can you see this unity? I think it is private. Now, it is what it is... but they so want stuff to be seen and yet expect wee orphans to believe what they can't live. Who would trust that? Not me. That is the truth. And so all these books go out...

John went to a christian bookstore for the first time and he said, "I was SO shocked going there!" I asked why and he said, "You'd think the Bible would be the main book... but it's not /// they sell all this crap ///and so many self help books.../// Don't christians believe in the Bible?"; November 11, 2008 11:45 AM
chels.ie. said...: I remember how excited I was when I first saw this blog, how much i loved the first post and anticipated the second...
and every one since.

You're an amazing, honest, talented artist nic.
You're going to go places :)

Good Luck with school, have fun, and congratulations for being where you are today.

We'll all miss the posts, but hopefully that clean air and time to write will lead to another book?

Best of luck nic!
-Chelsie; November 11, 2008 1:40 PM
Anonymous said...: ABOUT ANOTHER M I KNOW

Do YOU know something that I don't know? And IF I knew what YOU know... would that change me -- would that make me be or do anything different than I am doing? Or, will YOU change your view, if I knew what you know? I do know, you know. Does this change my view of you? What do you think will change my view of you? Will it be your try? One day when you see me, will you, like the others say, "But I tried... based on what I knew, I did this and I did that and I tried... I REALLY did TRY!"

Sorry guys... it is not about "the try". Learn from others… be wise. The dividing line is within every soul – he conflict. It is easy to see. The conflicts in families, life, created things even the “furnace” called the family of Israel ...

Tell me... would you, too, be angry and want to fight for your right if your father chose one son over the other even if the other mother told your father to do it? Would you not want to use? Wouldn't you be stuck in your righteous anger? Feel more alive when close the death?

My precious M said, “I am just like Ishmael. My father did not want anything to do with me. I called him when I was 17. And he was married to another woman – had a new family --- children (my half brothers and sisters I don’t even know.) He told me that I would have disturbed his family… But me and my mother, like Hagar, were ‘in the desert’. And so I can see why he would be a “Donkey of a man” I have been a donkey of a girl.”

Addicted to cutting for her release, M has been released. She woke up and could clearly see that both she and her mother were cared for “in the desert” by her True Father – The Father of all fathers. She did not know it then – when the sand was so hot – when the sun beat down on her tender precious skin covering… but she does now. Now, my precious M no longer needs to see the blood on her own skin to release her pain. She understands, now, the meaning of blood bath and The Promise. She came to the middle of her path… and there, she found the Great Rock. The blood and pain in all aspects of her suffering soul is the sole responsibility of The Father and His ONLY Son. He has taken full and complete responsibility for her... And she is learning…. When precious M woke up, she understood why she was cutting and why she was a “donkey of a girl”. But more importantly, she recognized her REAL Father. His Authorship – His Love. Her story in His hands – written how He sees fit. His arms open wide for her to run to… His smell. Holy, Wholly Comfort for her. Acceptance and Love (even though she was cutting and hurting herself). She is not a touchy feely girl, but in His arms, she is known. She asks her Father, “Please, don’t ever leave me. Never let me forget about the safety of your Love and Your Holy Heart of Grace.” And she started to read and knows now where she fits in His Story. M did not know how close she was to her Real Father’s Heart, until she woke up and found out who He was. “...and the tears began to fall – what a great and grand, great and grand gift it has all been…’ – The Secret of Time.”

And M learned that at the death of the father of Ishmael and Isaac, the two came together in the desert and grieved their loss. For a time, both felt so sad…; November 11, 2008 2:16 PM
Anonymous said...: TO CHELSEA:

**One, two
One, two, three, four

Woke up, it was a Chelsea mornin'
And the first thing that I heard
Was the song outside my window
And the traffic wrote the words
It came ringin' up like Christmas bells
And rappin' up like pipes... and drums...

Won't you stay
We'll put on the day
And we'll wear it 'til the night comes

Woke up, it was a Chelsea mornin'
And the first thing that I saw
Was the sun through yellow curtains
And a rainbow on my wall
Red, green and gold to welcome you
And crimson crystal beads... to beckon...

Won't you stay
We'll put on the day
There's a sun shower every second

Woke up, it was a Chelsea mornin'
And the first thing that I knew
There was milk and toast and honey
And a bowl of oranges too
And the light poured in like butterscotch
And stuck to all my se...enses...

Won't you stay
We'll put on the day
And we'll talk in present tenses

Kneel Neil; November 11, 2008 2:20 PM
Anonymous said...: Re:"Thirty minutes of the greatest high isn't worth the months of hell that will follow. Never, ever get to far ahead of yourself. Stay in the present and you'll do fine.
May peace be with you at all times.
Tim"

I know a tim that learned the hard way. The very hard way...
This tim i write about, would, if he could, say the same... his writing became lame and he lost his wife and children in the game.

AND

What is "right in front of you" even if it is a piece of paper on the floor -- THAT is important. Just bend yer head down and pick it up. the smalles of things are the most important.; November 11, 2008 3:20 PM
Anonymous said...: Re:"Thirty minutes of the greatest high isn't worth the months of hell that will follow. Never, ever get to far ahead of yourself. Stay in the present and you'll do fine.
May peace be with you at all times.
Tim"

I know a tim that learned the hard way. The very hard way...
This tim i write about, would, if he could, say the same... his writing became lame and he lost his wife and children in the game.

AND

What is "right in front of you" even if it is a piece of paper on the floor -- THAT is important. Just bend yer head down and pick it up. the smalles of things are the most important.

Can I give a shout out to B
Would he say hi to mwe?; November 11, 2008 3:21 PM
Anonymous said...: It was so much easier painting.; November 11, 2008 3:25 PM
Anonymous said...: the humoral immune system is complicated. but there is a good picture of what IgG's are and what B cells do... There are T cells too. Emily, have you learned this in nursing school yet? What R U learning in SCHOOL, SCHOOL, SCHOOL now?; November 11, 2008 3:45 PM
Anonymous said...: back track...
"sandy said...
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
- Voltaire (1694-1778)"

ackckckckckkaaackckcaaa!; November 11, 2008 4:05 PM
Stacie said...: Wow, Nic. Thank you for sharing a part of your journey with us and for taking the time to say goodbye. It only makes me repect you more and feel like we are all respected by you as well. You have so much to offer, to yourself and then to the world. You are stronger than you've ever given yourself credit for. Believe that. You are awesome, and when you start to doubt it, remember how Ramona sees you. She's your rock, so keep her close.
And hold on, Nic...
It's gonna be alright.
Love,
Stacie; November 11, 2008 5:43 PM
Anonymous said...: RE: Nov 10 2008 11:47 AM

I second the midwest book tour! Seriously, the midwest could use an "awakening."

hey, ya... about that and the midwest. I just watched this movie called Jesus Camp... and I got some, well, REALLY mixed thoughts about this shit. What I am ALL about is the heart of a child. But this movie, man, it gives "heart of a child" a bad rap. You know? I mean, by the time these things are cut and edited, it really takes a hit and a miss kinda thing. Strikes out -- Ya can't see The Real in the reel. Plus it causes us to judge hearts of kids -- and I'm not going there. That's not my place, you know. But I gotta say, the tears of those kids... TEARS. What damage was done to their hearts when they were filmed for this DVD? And the parents all said, "ya -- film my kid crying before God... get the private soul of my child out there?"

I'm not for political wars and shit. "War is not healthy for children and other living things" And I am leaning toward thinking it is about this shit too. I mean, in this movie they talk about making kids into warriors for Christ for America.
Give to God what is HIS. And then... on the money -- the coin thing... isn't that what is the government? Whatever... I got a piece of paper to pick up. My garbage can is full -- so, ya, it's small enough -- maybe I'll eat it. Also... when someone says "look over there -- hey, there is something cool going on there to the east -- or over there to the west -- DO NOT BELIEVE IT! Why? Read the Bible and see what Jesus has to say about that one. G... some people always want to see a shooting star. It ain't never gonna happen in holywould As Emily says, SCHOOL! It's right damn in front of you depending on which way you're facing!

Sincerely,
Herd Her Cry...; November 11, 2008 5:53 PM
Shay said...: Awww, Nic....I'll definetly miss readin up on how you're doing, that's fer damn sure.
You're ending your blog in what seems like a pretty decent state of mind. Keep going in the direction you're going, and stay strong. Nothing is ever handed to you if you can't handle it, just remember that.
I wish you peace, true love, and most importantly....true happiness
xoxo ;D; November 11, 2008 6:19 PM
Anonymous said...: It's a Taxing Thing...

So, some real radical religious folks all got into His face and wanted to catch Him in His Words... They called Him "Teacher" but that was just to first try and throw Him off, you know? And then these cool religious hot dogs said, "We know you are a great man of integrety and truth -- you are not swayed by what peeps think -- you're no "company man" (they thought this would make him feel better than they thought they were) And they tell him, "You're great because you teach about God -- like us and all... keepin' it real. SO... if you are so "true" tell us, should we pay taxes if these taxes are going to support evil -- you know? Wars and other things that are no good in God's eyes?"

Then he comes back and says, "Why in the H E double tooth picks are you trying to trap me?" (After a while hot dogs all look and taste the same... borrrring.///)

And so He tells it like it is: "Bring me that sack of money." The cool cats and hot dogs bring Him the sack of... And He looks and He says, "Who's picture is on this stuff?"

And they say, "REAL COOL GUYS FROM OUR NATIONS!"

And He says, Fine. Give to the cool guys what belongs to the cool guys and your nations... And give to God what belongs to God."

Anyway, at the time, for a time, they were all, like WOW... this Jesus is the bomb!

But it only lasted a little while... Because, you see? In the middle of their hearts, deep inside they wanted A KING that was SEEN not unseen...

Same now...
Nothing changes except the heart and soul of man by the One who, for a time, hot dogs and every day folks thought was amazing. But... TRUE is not seen by name droppers and back patters. BUT that is what JESUS WAS and IS and WILL FOREVER be about. (Get "goddy" and we've run right past The Gospel and become just another talking Head someone wants to make into an idol.)

Oh... here it is for the "Bible thumpers" and "number lovers"

___________________________________
Mark 12:13
"Later they sent some of the Pharisees and Herodians to Jesus to catch him in his words. 14They came to him and said, "Teacher, we know you are a man of integrity. You aren't swayed by men, because you pay no attention to who they are; but you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not? 15Should we pay or shouldn't we?"
But Jesus knew their hypocrisy. "Why are you trying to trap me?" he asked. "Bring me a denarius and let me look at it." 16They brought the coin, and he asked them, "Whose portrait is this? And whose inscription?"
"Caesar's," they replied.

17Then Jesus said to them, "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's."
And they were amazed at him."
http://www.biblegateway.com/quicksearch/?quicksearch=give+to+God+what+is+God%27s&x=13&y=12; November 11, 2008 6:52 PM
Anonymous said...: To: ...for who made the stars

"You're right mate!" Listen, I think SONGS might have something JUST FOR YOU. I love it... it's a keeper, like you, okay? And my darling... You, down under, have The Southern Cross! You're right about those "cool artsie" folk and the AIR (artist in residence)attire. It's a real freak-show sometimes. ;) Keep watching... be still, and remember there was a time before "the stars" in the quiet, stillness. Remember.... there before time, before days and nights... before seasons and time, Darkeness was over the face of the earth -- and the earth was void without form... and the Holy Creative (not so cool-artsie) Spirit of the LORD hovered over the surface of the deep.

HE LOVES YOU
HE LOVES ME
HE LOVES US

In the dark hour, he took away my sin and shame... I felt alone, but that was far, far from The Truth. We are never alone... He promises... When Judgement and death comes... those covered with the Blood of the Lamb for REAL, are safe.; November 11, 2008 8:25 PM
Anonymous said...: ///////////////////////////////////////////////// -- 49.

Price has been paid.
He who has been forgiven much, loves much...; November 11, 2008 8:35 PM
Anonymous said...: THANK-YOU ANDREW!

Superstar lyrics

(Voice of Judas)

Ev'ry time I look at you

I don't understand

Why you let the things you did

Get so out of hand

You'd have managed better

If you'd had it planned

Now why'd you choose such a backward time

And such a strange land?

If you'd come today

You could have reached a whole nation

Isreal in 4 BC

Had no mass communication

(Don't you get me wrong)

Don't you get me wrong

(Don't you get me wrong, now)

Don't you get me wrong

(Don't you get me wrong)

Don't you get me wrong

(Don't you get me wrong, now)

Don't you get me wrong

(Only want to know)

Only want to know

(Only want to know, now)

Only want to know

(Only want to know)

Only want to know

(Only want to know, now)

Only want to know

Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ

Who are you? What have you sacrificed?

Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ

Who are you? What have you sacrificed?

Jesus Christ

Superstar

Do you think you're what they say you are?

Jesus Christ

Superstar

Do you think you're what they say you are?

Tell me what you think

About your friends at the top

Now who d'you think besides yourself

Was the pick of the crop?

Buddah was he where it's at?

Is he where you are?

Could Mahomet move a mountain

Or was that just PR?

Did you mean to die like that?

Was that a mistake or

Did you know your messy death

Would be a record breaker?

(Don't you get me wrong) Don't you get me wrong

(Don't you get me wrong, now) Don't you get me wrong

(Don't you get me wrong) Don't you get me wrong

(Don't you get me wrong, now) Don't you get me wrong

(Only want to know) Only want to know

(Only want to know, now) Only want to know

(Only want to know) Only want to know

(Only want to know, now) I only want to know

Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ

Who are you? What have you sacrificed?

Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ

Who are you? What have you sacrificed?

Jesus Christ

Superstar

Do you think you're what they say you are?

Jesus Christ

Superstar

Do you think you're what they say you are?

Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ

Who are you? What have you sacrificed?

Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ

Who are you? What have you sacrificed?

Jesus Christ

Superstar

Do you think you're what they say you are?

Jesus Christ

Superstar

Do you think you're what they say you are?

There is ONLY ONE Jesus Christ and "a few" REAL Christians. And still, so many ask the words Andrew wrote as Judus...; November 11, 2008 8:52 PM
Anonymous said...: FROM BOB DYLAN (nic name, Dylpickelin')

Ramona, come closer,
Shut softly your watery eyes.
The pangs of your sadness
will pass as your senses will rise.
The flowers of the city
Though breathlike, get deathlike sometimes.
And there's no use in trying
to deal with the dying
though I cannot explain that in lines.

Your cracked country lips
I still wish to kiss,
as to be by the strength of your skin.
Your magnetic movements
Still capture the minutes I'm in.
But it grieves my heart, love,
To see you tryin' to be a part of
a world that just don't exist.
It's all just a dream, babe,
a vacuum, a scheme, babe,
that sucks you into feelin' like this.

I can see that your head
has been twisted and fed
with worthless foam from the mouth.
I can tell you are torn
between staying and returning
on back to the South.
You've been fooled into thinking
that the finishing end is at hand.
Yet there's no one to beat you.
No one to defeat you,
except the thoughts of yourself feeling bad.

I've heard you say many times
That you're better than no one
And no one is better than you.
If you really believe that,
you know you have
nothing to win and nothing to lose.
From fixtures and forces and friends,
your sorrow does stem.
That hype you and type you,
and making you feel
that you gotta be just like them.

I'd forever talk to you,
but soon my words,
would turn into a meaningless ring.
For deep in my heart
I know there is no help I can bring.
Everything passes,
Everything changes,
Just do what you think you should do.
And someday maybe,
Who knows, baby,
I'll come and be crying to you.

wow... sorry. Dil, that one made me dizzy. what the heck were you on back then? do you know the meaning of the name Ramona? was this before, during, or after, or a re-laps? g-man, wut have u done to us? given us wee idol lovers a break or or something?; November 11, 2008 9:41 PM
Anonymous said...: Listening to Godspell! LOUD
I'm dancing from head to toe today.
Words are free, man. We're responsible to LIVE-IT...
If you want, you dance with me today.

LOVE
LOVE
LOVE

We love, because He first loves us.
He has forgiven and has been forgiven MUCH...; November 12, 2008 9:39 AM
Anonymous said...: TRUST WHO YOU TRUST
A Wee One's Song

There were only a few people that she trusted… and maybe she did not trust the few. No, not at this time. And she had good reason. She had pearls to hide. She did not know if this place would be safe – a good place to give away what was most precious and dear. She could not find a safe place… Because she did not know, she felt alone – stuck, confused – for a time. Even though she was familiar with people who she knew loved her, and it was true, she loved them dearly – she could clearly see, without a single doubt that the ones she loved were following a leader that was seen. And for this reason, she was set apart. For this reason, alone, she would not compromise.

There was a wrestler and a deceiver tightly woven into her DNA. She so hated how she could fake a smile. She hated how she could draw people in with her look – a look in the eye she discovered when she first started dating boys. A giddy charm and light hearted kindness that was so attractive. She knew it did not match what was inside. So she prayed (and this was more than a “wish”) to The Lover of Her Soul, “Make me the same on the outside as I am on the inside so I do not deceive myself and I do not deceive others.” She had no idea what that prayer would mean answered years later. But, this is was heard by Father in Heaven, in her heart – she needed to hear. And the refining process continued with her eyes now open to the works of this plea.

Suddenly she was aware of the lies. For many months, she would backtrack and confess her lies. “I am sorry, I just laughed with you then – I do not want to laugh. It was s stupid social mistake and not true." Soon, she became the opposite on the outside, and found she had no place “to fit” except for, inside. And this was her release. The effects inside outweighed the oddness of her “outsides”. She was in the House of her Ruler of Peace...

But, for a long time before this, she fought. She fought both inside and out – mostly inside. Was this so called “deceiver” inside her deceiving her perceptions of the mega-mass-Christian movements? She thought for a long, long time, that something was wrong with her. She did not “fit” into “church” then, and even more so now. She really did not “fit” anywhere except with close friends and family. Real Christians and her Jewish family loved her – and she too loved them. It wasn’t about the few... SOMETHING else was not right – something else was terribly wrong and that something threatened the freedom and meaning of The Written Word.

So, she was quiet. She listened and she watched.

She could hear the heart of God speaking to her. She knew the Spirit’s good fruit and mighty power and how she did NOT “invite” Him… Her thinking is this: “How could I do this, really? Would it not be God Himself who first loves and reveals Himself to me? And from that point, I either step closer to Him, or I do not. What power do I have to assume I can “call down the Holy Spirit” to be or not to be whole in my life? Would this act, then make me god over God?”

She watched and she listened and in the time she did, those who thought this way revealed secrets in dark places and the worse lies of all. Hiding sin under the veil of the name "Christian". And while this was a lonely road – contrary to the many “Christians” she too was named, this very thought, was the beginning of her release.
And, without going into the private, most intimate details, she simply found herself awakened one very dark, wee early morning we still call “night”.

Around this time, she was committed to cleaning her house. Every drawer had become a place to store things away. She never wanted to throw anything away. But her house had become so cluttered with so much, there was a lack of order. So, each day, she chose a room. On the day she sat beside a great mound of clothes that towered over her head in her Living Room. And even though her children we no longer babies, she still had so many baby clothes. And socks that forever did not have a match… she was painstakingly going through it all. And on this day, she could hear the undeniable, familiar knock on her heart-door. Her first thought was, “I am right in the middle of a mess! “ And from the Voice Internal of Eternal Love, she heard, “I’ll help you fold the clothes.” She started to cry, and she opened the door of her private most holy place, and her Teacher began to tell her about keepsakes and clothes. She recognized Him, and she too was recognized because there was a time before this...

A Little History

She was there on her knees. And she could not “repeat after me” what is called “the sinners prayer”. She would not – could not. She needed to pray True – from her own heart. And she let her mind be moved with The Wind. She was fourteen years old and she met one she calls “The Nightingale”. She asked Nightingale to be with her – to kneel beside her in front of the symbolic cross at the altar in a small blue church. The two were alone. No big show. It was late, not on a Sunday or Wednesday night -- her friend had keys.

In her mind in her heart and deep within, as far as she knew to go, she was in the middle of herself -- at The Cross. And there, she looked up into His face. He was, clearly in so much pain – so much… and she cried for Him – for his suffering. And she knew that somehow she was a part of Love’s suffering but she did not see. She was a “good girl”. Was it the guards? Was she the mockers? Was she the sword in his side? Was she bitter waters? Was she the one who nailed His hands, His feet? Was she the one who smacked the crown of thorns on His head? Was she the tree? Was she the steel nails? Was she the fire that made the nails? Or, was she the hands of the one who built the wooden cross? Was she all, one, or the other? She would have accepted all if she knew. And she said this to Nightingale, kneeling next to her to her left. His Bird sang softly, “It is all of man’s sin that He carries -- our stories… everything about man – everything about you – good and bad – he suffers the consequences of rebellion and hate, death and pain – self... The Holy Father has accepted complete responsibility for all His Children . He became man so Only He can carry the burdens, sorrow, suffering and sin … He has taken responsibility for your sin. ”

She wept so deeply that this was such an injustice! She would rather pay the price. Do right – do wrong – if wrong – suffer the consequences – whatever they be.
Suddenly she could see the generations before and after her -- and all the choices… The best intentions misunderstood, gone wrong. She could see all the “Yes” that should have been “No”, and all the “No” that should have been “Yes”. All was there, on The Cross. She prayed, “I do not know, and I can’t see what I have done to hurt you and me. But I can see your face… you are looking at me. Please forgive me, all that I am – before, now and everything to come. And help me to remember your suffering death in everything I say and do. Never let me wander away from This Place. I am sorry. Please, forgive me for the pain I have caused you and the little ones you love.”

As she wept, her Nightingale was near – but did not touch her. And the two stayed.
She would have stayed there forever…

And then her mind was moved with the gentle guide of the Holy Spirit. As she continued to see His suffering naked body – everything exposed. His toes, legs, private parts, knees, side, ribs, chest, fingers, hands, wrists, forearms – arms shoulders and then, His Head... His head hanging so low… she cried in heavy, heavy sobs… And she kept looking at His head. And… with so much agony and pain, before he breathed His last, He looked into her eyes and in His eyes, she saw a twinkle-smile that shot both life and death deep into her core. She felt it – for a moment… she felt His pain. And then when she thought all was loss, somehow, someway, still eyes fixed on her, he moved His mouth – the corners of His mouth and smiled.

“He…. Smiled……… at-me…” She huffed and sobbed. “And I am too late! I could have been born at the time He was here! I could have been born in Israel where He walked… I would have walked with Him – followed Him close. I could have known His smile when He was not in so much pain… I am here and I am too late. Oh how I wish I was His follower. I would have following Him – I know I would have a place to fit – to be known by Him!”

Nightingale then put her right hand on her shoulder. She looked into her face. And with the same smile – the same twinkle in her eye, she whispered, “But He did not die. He rose from the dead. And He invites you to walk with Him with a new heart today. He is alive. He is alive. Those who have ears can hear Him. And those who have eyes can see Him.”

“Nightingale?” She asked her name as to ask a question she dare not speak.

Nightingale simply nodded. And then opened her arms and said, “Welcome to The Family”.

And, her story continues -- for now...

A Wee One's Song; November 12, 2008 2:57 PM
bianca. said...: what is with you people posting all those weird comments.; November 13, 2008 2:02 PM
Anonymous said...: It is just one person and she has been doing it all along in every post NIc has made. Just try to ignore it. We have all asked her to stop, to no avail. So instead of letting it bother you it is best to just pretend it is not there.

Also.... I miss Nics entries. Shame. But I did just read a little interview with David and it is always nice to hear from him how Nic is doing. So with the book tour in January I am sure we will get some articles and updates and such.; November 13, 2008 2:53 PM
Anonymous said...: bianca.
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Astrological Sign: Aries
Zodiac Year: SNAKE
Industry: Transportation
Occupation: Clerical
Location: Federal Way : WA : United States
About Me
i've got some quirks about me that most people wouldn't like. i live, love, and breathe music. full blooded boriqua, i'm a bit of a psycho. i'm loud and impulsive. i don't usually think before i act or speak. i'm a work in progress, growing more and more each day. i love MY sober life.; November 13, 2008 5:38 PM
Anonymous said...: Who's WHO?

I want to thank all the Christians who have cult-like faith... Hold on to your Bibles and your Christian book store crap that "reminds you" that "you are a Christian". Because, due to so, so many that name and claim themselves "Christain" and have continued to "fight the battle of the flesh" you have waisted words. To this world in love with words and for Truth seekers, "Christian" means nothing. Thank-you. There are so many wolves in sheeps clothing right now, Truth has gone underground. False light in miced with true light. All the programs you have created to "save the lost" are manipulations and TRUE seekers know it is juat another trap. Sure -- we might find some good -- one or two REAL -- but the hidden manna is NOT easy to find in mega churchs who spend money on skateboard parks to attract "the culture". The "culture" is "trapped" and can't see a way out... thank-you for making The Way so clear... There is nothing like a good ol boy's "8th Day Ministry" to help the addicts "heal" in the sanctuary. The "playing field" is level.

Snakes in the grass, wolves in sheeps clothes -- sheep is wolves clothes -- doves and crows... they all look alike and The Call Home is not easy to see because holiness and purity has been muddied by churchianity.

So... "Good Luck" my friends. May you have ears to hear and eyes to see in this ever growing gray world the "kingdom now" folks call "home"

The following is written by one of my friends. Don't mock or judge. It is a REALLY bad time to do it!

"From the New Testament times until today, there have been people who preach the Gospel for the wrong reasons. They're not following Jesus; they're building their own kingdoms and their own egos. Some people get involved in Christianity simply because it is a market for their merchandise - they can make money. They don't care if people become Christians, they just want to sell their books or records. Some people start with sincere motives but their appetite for money and fame overcomes them - they continue doing seemingly "good" things, but for all the wrong reasons. They're just putting up a front. They've learned how to effectively fake all the right moves and the right language.

But God will not be mocked. He never lets someone continue in that place for long. They either burn out because it's a work of the flesh, or they are publicly exposed and humiliated - and the name of the Lord gets tarnished in the process.

We always need to check our motives for doing something - even a good thing. And when we are successful in the things of the Lord, we must be careful not to look at the fruit and think it proves we're right with God. Nothing can replace our personal relationship with Him - not even the fruit produced by our ministries."

The dead are alive
The alive are dead
The first know...
The second do not.

Keith Green; November 13, 2008 8:26 PM
Anonymous said...: To "use" or not to "use"?
What is the Truth about our "Crystal Myth Culture"
What is the Truth about addictions?
So, I cut and pasted this
And I looked in the mirror...
Dare we want the "the ugly" gone?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvcxo8p5XAk&NR=1

"not yet" right?
The idea of feeling like a rock star is SO appealing...; November 13, 2008 9:44 PM
Anonymous said...: Demons The Devil's "Crystal"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmd49VNGDyM&NR=1; November 13, 2008 10:04 PM
Anonymous said...: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNOvZRG2goU&feature=related

I see you
You think her music is SO "techno"
Just who is performing
Just who is watching the show?
Turn off your blogs
Turn off "your site"
These legal drug in your choice
To damage the soul shooting
Man made things...
And in the end, well see
We were all participating.
There are leaders...
The creative man-made "junk"
Buy and sell and buy and sell
Babe -- you'll never get enough.
But I have seen what you've ignored
As you have chosen god-man to fly
Histroy and science are lovers
And choices we've made are killers
We just could not take "no" for an answer.
So we created our own little dancer.
Imagination -- anything "could" be real? Mind-trips on computer games.
Hours and hours of nothing-play
Anything to take away the sound
Of your beating heart
And that "nagging" parent's call for home?
What is that called "The Word"
It is Jesus trying to be heard
A clean way to go is not on the net
Starting reading The Best Seller and see... Do you fit?

She is you and you is she.
If you think you're a god-man...
And freely create something fine and dandy to rescue self.

Life is Real... there is no "escape". Clean and Sober -- ya, you'll take "the kick"
no matter what poison you pick.

It's an echo, friends, and echo.
To every action, there is a reaction. The "mother-ship" is watching and can see what you want and were you are going
But what letters you write
And what clicks and who long your sites...
For the first time man can see himself in a reflection provided by the computer. You chose the links... you made the request. You're spirit has been filled with
chemicals -- and this age is a mess.
You chose what interested you the most. Numbers don't lie. Sorry, you have a choice, but not me... I died.

49 bye
You're on your own... that's in the middle. Don't want to give up you, for you... If I wished you good luck, that would be a lie.; November 14, 2008 10:52 AM
Anonymous said...: Wow. This didn't last long for ya, did it? Like most things.; November 14, 2008 12:23 PM
Sweetsunslice said...: I am sad that I will no longer be able to read about your thoughts, feelings and experiences. It was something I defiantly looked forward to. Hopefully you will post on myspace or publish another book but if I never hear another word from you, that would be okay too because I will have alot of your thoughts and feelings burned into my brain forever. You have help me so much with understanding what my brother has gone through and will continue to go through. You have given me hope and understanding that I may have never thought of or felt. Thank you and I wish the best for you in school and in everything you do.; November 14, 2008 12:32 PM
Anonymous said...: NIC-
looove loooove loooove, all around you man. GOOD LUCK with EVERYTHING!! You have done great things, and are meant for many more. Congratulations on new begginings and never endings!!!! WE LOVE YOU!! goodbye Nic~; November 14, 2008 2:40 PM
Anonymous said...: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=em5gL0Rw4Aw&feature=related; November 14, 2008 3:01 PM
Anonymous said...: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIgVU_5FsqA&NR=1; November 14, 2008 3:09 PM
Anonymous said...: "Tag" You're it!
Nothing like having to deal with the insides of another's crap, hu? Oh... the lovers of "someone elses" shame? You know who you are. Makes ya all feel less grungie, hu? Takes time away from yer own garbage? What does science understand about matter -- energy? It's gotta go somewhere, right? Well, the Jerry Springers of this world who "love emotion" spilled out by the sick and dying... well, like the periodic table of elements, that matter is now stuck to you. mmmmmmnummmie. What a supper this is going to be. Let's see what kinds of birds like this stuff? I know! Look in the mirror... What kind of bird have YOU been? What have you been "feeding" from? This is GOOD FOOD is it not? Garbage in, garbage out. Oh how wonderful is our Creator to see fit to provide this world with oceans and rivers and land and birds to "clean up" our mess. Ooooops. Sorry, God. This mess is in the spirit and the heart -- that's were this mess starts. What do we do? WHAT DO WE DO?

I know... there is a real cool place right here -- all kinds of programs and ministries for you to join. You can "clean up" there and I am sure they'll take care of the mess for you.

I AM
Not driven.; November 14, 2008 3:29 PM
Anonymous said...: You can't put new wine into old wine skin.
But can you put old wine into new wine skin?

Come, let us reason together, kids.
The "christians" are too busy arguing about who's right and who's wrong.; November 14, 2008 3:32 PM
Anonymous said...: if yer a reader...
http://www.biblegateway.com/

Shame is not a game.; November 14, 2008 3:58 PM
Anonymous said...: I am a Christian.
I am not arguing...
This stuff is in my heart --
Like M&M's...
This sweet did not
stick to MY hand...

"A little honey is good
Too much makes the tummy hurt"

I heard one say she felt like she missing something -- like everyone somehow was ahead of her...

Don't worry about it.
It's okay. You don't want to be "a head" in what these guys have been building. Where is your Daddy? Who last changed your diaper? SOMEONE take care of this wee one!!!!; November 14, 2008 4:04 PM
Anonymous said...: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIgVU_5FsqA&NR=1

hear?
see?

We're going to need comforters for the wee ones under Seven...

LOVE...
I gotta go, now.
And remember what they say...
The mailgirl simply delivers the letters. If the mail is open or not -- and who's writting who is not the responsibility of the Post Master.

Aloha.; November 14, 2008 4:27 PM
Anonymous said...: Re:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=em5gL0Rw4Aw&feature=related

Asleep in the light

"Is there any footage of him playing with a band?"

" Do you think he needs one?"

" I do. I like these songs much better with the band, as recorded."

This is not for your entertainment and what YOU like. Sorry, not this time. You wanted the kicks, right? You wanted the laughs -- right? This was your hearts desire, right? So... take it all. Enjoy whatever you want to make of it. So go on your way, now. Get your kicks. Hey, Sandy? Who do you think is laughing now? Do you agree with the author of the quote you posted? Do you think God would be playing a part on a stage? Or are we on the stage -- lost in our own drama as we make movies about ourselves? What a freek-show -- a bloody house of mirrors, hu? You don't have to answer for real, do you? Kitty8katnip? How about you, do want to "join the band" or are you a part of the band -- ate too much catnip? Have you quit using? G, who's using who?

Intersting, another anon. will you please respond? I heard an interview question posed by Barns and Noble, FOR REAL. And the question was (in keeping with the topic of the two books) "Who do you think suffered most?" I heard the reporter reply, "David, I see you shaking your head..." And a voice was heard -- not from David -- (He was shaking his head). And the voice rambled on and self. The question really wasn't answered. It was pin-point question. "WHO SUFFERED MOST?"

And then, around and around went the voice... something like, "we all carry our own perceptions of pain... bla, bla, bla, bla..."

"WHO suffered the most?" It is a good question from Barns and Noble. And I believe it should be answered. Yes, I do believe, not only should it be answered -- it will be answered. All the way up to the top of this upside down world in the hearts of every father, son, mother and child...
"Who suffered the most?."; November 15, 2008 11:22 AM
Anonymous said...: There is a VRS that I Love...
It is: "What comes from the mouth, is from the heart". But, in the name of creativity, we have had use words over again... and mess with their meaning. Technology is "creative" right? Based on zeros and ones? And look at the cool stuff we get on our personal lab tops and screens (what a picture/parable that is -- wow. man's own head and hands) Anyway. Here it is:

Define aloha
aloha. The Hawaiian word for both "hello" and "good-bye."

Yes... Oh, but look! ANOTHER definition?

- Aloha, also called the Aloha method, refers toa simple communications scheme in which each source (transmitter) in a network sends data whenever there is a frame to send. If the frame successfully reaches the destination (receiver), the next frame is sent. If the frame fails to be received at the destination, it is sent again. This protocol was originally developed at the University of Hawaii for use with satellite communication systems in the Pacific.

I guess today I ask, is what is good for the goose god for he gander?

I might FEEL real good to dig into yoursel and tell the world everything -- getting to the point where you can't see "the baby in the bathwater"... still, I think "bathwater" is for Petra the Plumber. Nevertheless, some folks think they are piped into god and everyone and so they sell out -- and we all gobble it up. And you know what they way, you are what you eat.

Just basic child-like truth... Random junk mail by some weird-one.; November 15, 2008 11:50 AM
Anonymous said...: Justice and Mercy,
Judgment and Grace...
We have had no idea what this REALLY means, have we, kids?

Good flicks: "Amazing Grace" and "Boys of Baraka"

So... I'm at the gas station, and this guy says to the woman behind the counter and to me, I guess, (I was standing there)"It's time to leave this country, I can't believe we've got a colored man for president."

My eyes shot wide open -- I felt like I was in a foreign state or another time -- I mean it SHOCKED me! Of course that transmitted. And I said, "What Country are you going to?"

And he said, "Astralia... now that country has it together". I am telling you the truth -- a good narrator.

Wish still shock in my eyes I turned to the woman behind the counter and she said, "He's half white..." AGAIN -- SHOCKED.

She noticed and said, "He's an old guy -- has old ideas and old values -- you know?"

No words of socially acceptable content were able to form in my heart and mouth. The man was in his 50's.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25Fudv9bT3I&feature=related

I hear: "When will we get paid for the work we've done?" And I do not see a skin color in the voices.; November 15, 2008 12:35 PM
Anonymous said...: AOL NEWS

"California Battles Devastating WildfiresBy SHAYA TAYEFE MOHAJER, AP
posted: 15 MINUTES AGOcomments: 1696filed under: National News, Wildfire NewsPrintShareText SizeAAALOS ANGELES, Calif. (Nov. 15) - A wind-blasted wildfire tore through the city's northern foothills Saturday, burning hundreds of mobile homes, forcing a hospital to evacuate some patients and sending thousands of residents fleeing for safety.
The fire broke out late Friday in the foothills community of Sylmar on the edge of the Angeles National Forest and quickly spread across 6,500 acres — more than 10 square miles — as it was driven by Santa Ana wind gusting as high as 76 mph.

'It Was Just Like Armageddon'"

Hummm... "just like armageddon"?

See how backward the people are. They think they know what this thing is going to look like?!! And why? "christian movies?" Oh, how about the Left Behind movies? Talk about the numbing affects of addiction. Hey! Give me another "christian" movie to support -- I can entertain myself as well as get a tax right off while I have a good time meeting and greating the LA scene in Jesus' name? We'll promote the stuff (in Jesus' name) And... hey, lets offer this made in china crap we get for ten cents and "gift it back" to our "givers" to keep our "ministry" "reaching the world for Jesus".

CBN? You have made us all very, very, very sleepy. Thank-you for this worldly rest -- The, "If the world can do it -- so can we!" I SO enjoyed the the fluffy popcorn and sugar-sodas while I supported the good ol' boys "christian" entertainment -- "in Jesus name" of course...

"'Just Like Armageddon'" Right. Like we've seen it before, hu?; November 15, 2008 3:19 PM
Anonymous said...: Sorry, I can't help this one...
Dedicated to the last name "jackson" and for me Emily in school school school May this be music to YOUR ears!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLxqsZHgAmk

Class dismissed. (taken from disysms); November 15, 2008 4:49 PM
Anonymous said...: at the end of the day...
each day..
if you've helped no one,
besides yourself,
then you haven't
lived the day.
and the day was wasted.

...don't waste the day.; November 15, 2008 5:45 PM
Anonymous said...: Oh yes... the power of The Word...
Or was that power to the people?
When you left your ego at the door, you g-crackers, what door did you leave it at? Some people judge a man by his history... But with movers and shakers, we watchin' your future. Tell me, did you live up to the words you sang and sold?

I wonder if the 20 somethings remember this one. "We are the world". Wake up babies. See what "the man in the mirror" looks like now?

Learn by what you see. You do not have repeat the same song and dance over and over and over and over again. "Change" is called for every generation. What do you think we're not getting here?

"We are the world?
We are the children?
We are the ones who make
A brighter day?
So let's start giving?
There's a choice we're making
We're saving our own lives..."

How IS that "choice" to "save [your] own live" working for you all?

Lot's of children with no daddy worth mentioning in those lyrics

So... here we are again. relapping. The race to run is "in the giving" stars. Seems you babies have some real nice "cribs" to cry your wet diapered selves to sleep every night -- hu? Tell it like it is -- tell the truth. Are you really, "the world"?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmxT21uFRwM&feature=related; November 15, 2008 5:54 PM
Anonymous said...: we're trackin' anon...

"re: Anonymous said...
at the end of the day...
each day..
if you've helped no one,
besides yourself,
then you haven't
lived the day.
and the day was wasted.

...don't waste the day."

...sniffing around like a hound...
Hearing cries...
If you see the sniffer but not the smell...
And you see the hearer, but not the sound...
And it is not you that is dying or crying -- get out of The Way!

There are babies crying.; November 15, 2008 6:02 PM
Anonymous said...: I got an email this morning...
"EVERYTHING is on YOUTUBE.... enjoy the memories and take a look at the threads!"

We'll start here!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mr9f1FaXbV8&NR=1; November 16, 2008 10:36 AM
Anonymous said...: To: See@all.keepcalm,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsPX0vDYb34&NR=1

LOVE,
6 whoo-whoo-WHO; November 16, 2008 10:44 AM
Anonymous said...: I was so excited when I learned my grandfather worked the Bob-e-sure-man's uncle... I called her right away and she said screemed! YOU"RE KIDDING!! I said, "No, He just told me. You want to talk to him?" She said no, she believed me. We both knew, by chance, I had one-upped her... but of course we did not say anything about it. We both loved our idols back then...filled our minds with EVERYTHING and day dreamed our lives away. (I even had a head of Tom Jones on a plastic blow-up pillow! She was ALWAYS one new star ahead of me -- UNTIL I told her of the work-link and my grandfather...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yb8A9UBXYF0&NR=1

Ya... so my sister took me to see this guy. (D.C.) He had been drinking -- ... and there were comments made about drinking... he made stupid remarks on "stage" asking ME to "go back with him". I thought, "WOW... what is in your head ol' man? Just because I know the WORDS and I am singing along?" And there was this lovely downs woman with her mother... right in the front row. She stayed after "the show" because she wanted to say hi to him -- to shake his hand... you know? Maybe she wanted him to sign her 70's LP. Here she is -- you know -- with her mom at a See-no-ca-see-no... and she waits for -- like a half hour. And David Casidy does not even come out behind the curtain to say hi... to see what SHE had to offer him. Guess he would not stoop that low?
Guess he had real-life-fright?

Boo! Welcome to REAL LIFE; November 16, 2008 11:08 AM
Anonymous said...: I hear... "I Wantcha Back"

Who want's WHO back?
Not for kicks -- no joke.

Listen.
Jackson's say:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfJu_Bom2sA&feature=related

"Let us tell us who we are...

If five is not your number then there is somethin you can do
Just roll the dice and you'll get Jackson minus 2"

"hold on tight now... we're coming back"; November 16, 2008 12:05 PM
Anonymous said...: :); November 16, 2008 12:39 PM
Anonymous said...: dope-a-mean...
Remember what Tim said.
Be Wise.
Some folks are SO used to and using that for a non-drug thing -- it takes everything or nothing.
If it is everything... then people get all doped up.
If it is nothing then babies get scared.
BUT there is ANOTHER way..
The BOOK has already been written.
The Prodical Son(s); November 16, 2008 12:51 PM
Anonymous said...: Doe Boy is a good flck

Hear a Story:

There was a rescue of a land
The land was full of weeds
And the ground was dry
And there was rocks and even
Old things under the ground
That people had throw away
In what is called "Land fills".

All the weeds were removed
The land was given water on dry
The soil was sifted -- rocks removed...
And, it was dug deep and many things were found...
Some things for sure -- garbage
Other things... for good will
And oddly, some treasures.
Because the land was rescued
The land was at the mercy of
Those that sifted the soil
And dug deep.
This hurt the land -- for it had learned to appear solid supported by the dryness, the weeds, the rocks and even the land fill garbage and hidden treasures.
The merciful ones new treasures
And they new Good Will things
So they made piles...
And was was left of this land?
Not much after all the dry was gone
And all the weeds and the rocks and the garbage was taken from it.
The land felt empty and alone.
Like nothing...
But this was The Truth.
For a time the land wanted to plant things -- anything that would grow.
But the rescue team said, "No. Wait. The land needs to settle and recover.
So... the land waited.
And at unexpected times, it was again dug into, turn over and tilled. The rain came down and watered the land.
Still -- nothing was planted so nothing grew. The land waited.
And then the land spoke: "Will I not have anything grow from me again?"
The land heard no reply.
The land waited...
And one day again, now crying, the land said, "I like to be of use. Can SOMETHING -- ANYTHING grow in me again?"

This time the land heard a voice.
"Anything? You ask?"

The land was silent.
The land did not know...
So for more time, the land waited.
And the land asked, "What has this rescue been about if it was not for me to grow things?"
The land was still not sure who
The rescue was for...
So the land waited.; November 16, 2008 2:21 PM
Anonymous said...: ALL ABOARD!
chuggachuggachewchewchuggachaggachewchew...
What IS that sound?
chuggachuggachewchewchuggachuggachewchew...
ALL ABOARD!
chuggachuggachewchewchuggachaggachewchew...
WHERE IS that train going?chuggachuggachewchewchuggachaggachewchew...
ALL ABOARD!

The fueled coal-train started on down the tracks...
And the land begged, "If I was not land, I could ride this train -- can some of MY dirt -- just a little of MY soil take a ride?"chuggachuggachewchewchuggachaggachewchew...chuggachuggachewchewchuggachaggachewchew...chuggachuggachewchewchuggachaggachewchew...
The land still...
The land dark now, like coffee...
Still.
Waited...
chuggachuggachewchewchuggachaggachewchew...chuggachuggachewchewchuggachaggachewchew...chuggachuggachewchewchuggachaggachewchew...; November 16, 2008 2:35 PM
Anonymous said...: "Land?"
"Yes... yes! Here I am!"
"What did you expect?"
"Something -- anything."
"And from and for who?"

The land loved speaking with The Voice. But it was those questions that really made land mad. How could land answer without the support of something buried -- something growing... even if it was weeds -- it was something.

The land was in a time out until land realized what and why "anything" grows.

Land knew this was the question posed ONLY to land. So land waited. Flat, dark, moist...
All land's top soil was guarded so that nothing would be planted from seen-seeds.

LOVE
L and...; November 16, 2008 2:51 PM
Anonymous said...: Already written?
Making "magic"?
What a heavy, heavy load.
To be a part
To be
To love...

idols

WHO's WHO?
A plastic straw in the end?; November 16, 2008 4:00 PM
Anonymous said...: here he is!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZnrxk-dpVA&NR=1

Michael, who gave to who?
Did we give to you
Did you give to us?
You said, you feed off us
And so we feed off you?
Now, you are a reflection of us -- And we are a reflection of you...

Oh how wonderful to be nobody.; November 16, 2008 4:04 PM
Anonymous said...: NOT KIDDING, THIS IS A MUST SEE
TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT WHAT IS AND WHAT IS NOT "REAL". JACKSON TELLS WHAT US NOT REAL -- WHAT IS "HARD TO EXPLAIN..."

It is what artists like to keep secret thought was only for them. NOT true. Why? They ate it "ALL gone" babies...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yg2ILcrqyQA&NR=1; November 16, 2008 4:15 PM
Anonymous said...: Anon(s)...
Tide's out. Lots of sandy shore.
We went to LA to the beach. And I took a walk North while wee one and dad flew the kite. I came to this big bar with a sign that said private beaches -- no trespassing. I thought hu... how can a beach be "private"? (The hot dogs and cool cats had beach front houses.) I walked to the LIFE GUARD on duty -- sitting high watching over the ocean swimmers. I looked up, "Sir, I do not understand this sign. Who is the one that determines the property line? If the tide is high, or the tide is low -- would that mean the property line changes? Is it not true that the shore (the water at the shore) is not "owned" by any man."

The LIFE GUARD said, "Yes, that is true. You are free to walk the beach on the ocean's edge. The sign there is to separate the public sandy shore from the sandy shores of the rich and famous. To keep the lookie-loos away."

"So, I am not a lookie-loo -- would I be breaking the law if I walked the shore beyond that bar?"

The LIFE GUARD smiled and said, "Nope."

I thanked him. I walked to wee one and daddy and said, "I am going to walk on the sand and the water, beyond that huge bar thing. Are you all okay? Would you rather I stayed?"

"No... we're fine. Have fun."

We smiled and off I went. Right under those bars. And with my sandals off, I walked on the land and the ocean. To my left, the ocean -- to my right the houses of cool cats and hot dogs...

One the way back, of course, the ocean was to my right and the houses of hot dogs and cool cats were to my left.

Isn't it funny what we will believe without logic. A silly sign makes us believe a lie. High or low tide declares the boundaries of a so called beach front property line. What man can say he or she owns the ocean?

The ocean was not cursed... But what we have done in the name of the land has spilled into the wild waves and unpredictability of The Oceans.

It is okay to have compassion for Ocean... She is the only one who can say, "It was not my fault -- I have suffered the consequences of the land. Never-the-less...

Sincerely,
Ocean-girl...
I've seen so much with my wee eyes.; November 17, 2008 12:04 PM
Anonymous said...: NIC SHEFF WROTE:

"'Imagine a world where we could give up our judgments of other people—our strange desire to want everyone to be like ourselves.'

'What’s true for you is not necessarily true for you.
Your values are right for you, but they’re not necessarily right for me.'

'I was reading The Onion newspaper the other day. One of the headlines was something like, “Half of the population who you’d never even talk to is voting for someone else.”

I mean, it’s kind of true. Our country is divided into two very distinct political ideologies. Nothing one side can say will ever change the other people’s minds.'

'Each one thinks the other is totally fucking crazy.Which one is right?'

'I think I know, but that’s just me.'

'And who am I to give anything but my opinion, while I respect the different opinions and decisions of the people around me?'

'...Maybe that’s why discovering who I am is so important...'

'—and why I need to come to accept and honor [who and what] makes me {who and what] I am—devastating faults, confusion and all.'

'My love is my love.
Your love is yours...'

__________________________________

There is another way that is not based on the one's own mind, as you can see Above.

It starts with a sincere conversation. It is in conversation -- in love -- in heart, soul and reason. It is not about "opinion" called "your own".

There are MANY eyes that see from various points of view all over the world in all of history. For any one to claim a point of view as ones own may be the reason for our need to "imagine something different".

There are eyes all over the wings of a birds eye view. In this day and age, we are able to clearly see ALL points of view and opinions... (thanks to the collection of frames and the information of what is collected on the World Wide Web. Such speed is faster than our own thoughts and mind. We race blindly to keep up and ultimately, for real, become a part of "the imagination"

What would result, in a true melting pot? A collective -- for real of our opinions and imaginations? It is true, whatever humans can imagine or think, they can do... So, if we allow ourselves to "Imagine a world where we could give up our judgments of anothers "love"... our "strange desire to want everyone to be like ourselves..." and we live to make such an imagination real -- what would we be linked to? What unity would this bring? What WOULD it "look like"?

Far, far be it that anyone want to be me or add me to the imagination. No. "It's not ever going to happen!" But, do I want or need to be melted down and simply added to the universal whole for the sake of living a "You're Okay, I'm Okay" life? No. "It's not ever going to happen!"

It is TRUE "'My love is My Love.
Your love is yours...'"

So... in Truth, I cling tight to My Love -- The Lover of my soul. I need a sacrificial Love but not from this culture who merely allows for my "opinion". I need to be rescued from spiritual, emotional and physical adult pedophiles who "love" children for "the magic and inspiration". I do not want to be a part of exploitation. I do not need an opinion -- I do not "need" to expose myself in order that I might somehow "fit" into man's imagination for a collective consciousness. I do not need to use or be used when The Price for my love has been paid by my Beloved. Enough is enough. I am full and waiting... I am hopeful. And I have no need or reason to "go back to the city" for something I think I need.

I only discovered "who I was" when I discovered Who He Was and Is... And the tears began to fall." The Secret of Time

"It is so hard to see when my eyes are on me..." "Make my life a prayer to you, I want to do what you want me to -- no empty words [and bla, bla, bla...] and no white lies, no token prayers no compromise". No Compromise.

"My Love is my Love...
And your love is your love." I am waiting. "Dear friend, He is not slow in keeping His promises as some understand slowness to be -- so keep a watch out, don't loose faith, He said He was coming for you..."; November 17, 2008 1:57 PM
Anonymous said...: NIC SHEFF WROTE:

"Life is change.
That is beautiful.
And, like Sly says, you don’t have to die before you live.
You don’t.
Okay.
Love.
Nic

__________________________________

"Life in what is seen seems to change so we can learn to see.

The land -- trees on hills become McMansions.
Forests are burned by fires. After a flood, river's edges change.
After a volcano erupts, the land is scorched... And soon, new life begins.
A little girl grows up and becomes a young lady. She marries... The two become one... and a new life is born.
Great Grandma dies...
After she was a widow for over 25 years.
Summer is not the spring
Spring is not the fall
Fall is not the winter
Winter is not the spring...
ALL seasons of life move into the other so seamlessly, sometimes.
I feel spring inside my heart and mind -- I keep forgetting it is nearly Turkey Day.
Fashion changes... and if it didn't? So many jobs would be lost.
Psychology changes... and if it didn't? So many jobs would be lost.
Medicine changes... and if it didn't we might still be blood letting.

Blair... Great Grandma saw many changes in her life. And when she died in my arms, all the changes really did not matter. What mattered was what stayed the same. What was not seen woven in and through all the changes... The fashions she had changed into -- from 1910 through 2007. She saw it all. And what mattered THE MOST was forgiveness and love.

She left this ever changing world and for REAL "changed" in a twinkle of an eye. In a moment. She was scared, for sure. Death can feel so dark, so cold. And she cried out -- fearful. But she "let go" of "her story" and gave it to the Author of her life -- making her death a True passage into the fullness of Life not dependent on changes.

She was ready for True Life. She was tired. She was wise and knew the reason and need for change. And she witnessed so much.

To the artkids...
Just color and give your pretty pictures to your mommy and daddy to hang on the fridge. Be simple.
When Great grandma, I found that she had kept ALL the little pictures I colored for her when I was little. She knew to keep them. The Reason. She knew The Reason never changes.

Remember, there is another view: Changes are in need and in search of reason.

Okay?

No child ever needs to be "sly". There is a "family of stones"... just a stones throw away. He who is without sin, casts the first stone. There are a few diggers out there... They would die for you by taking a great and mighty discipline for throwing such stones.

Just color, kids. And give it away to a senior who does not have any pictures on their fridges. Give it to the one who begs on the street. Give it to the man in the fancy suit. Give it to a child in the hospital... Many of these have been so faithful and prayerful for a visit and a pretty picture from you... okay?

Okay.
Love.
LOVE...; November 17, 2008 3:23 PM
Anonymous said...: 2 mdm...
r u hear? shhhh, don't tell.
anon ... r u here ...
shhhh... can u whisper a song
in her ear?
nobody is important.
nobody is important.
okay.
okay.; November 17, 2008 6:38 PM
Anonymous said...: And then the land spoke to one who guarded the land:

"What about me?"

"What about who?"

"The land... me? How long do I have to wait before I get to do what I was created to do -- to grow things?"

"Consider the one who paints. Just because attention is not on the part of the painting you still call your own -- this does not mean you are not being tended to. The Artist creates as He sees fit. You are created. You wait. If The Artist needs you forever be land -- just as you are today, what business is that to you?"

"I feel like I have wasted time... I feel like I do not have a plan for the future... I have lots of ideas... lots of what-ifs... I feel like I a woman not able to conceive a child. Even the weeds were something. And I remember what it was like before. If something -- even if it was "nothing" it was exciting. At least what was outside matched my inside -- or I found a way... Even the garbage was something -- even though I did not know that there was so much garbage under ground... I did not know -- but now I do. And am I not responsible for what I KNOW?"

"Nope. Not you."

"But on TBN they say that God wants to use us... And He has a purpose for me. And also, The saddle back place... they say I have a purpose! That is what is promised -- you know."

"The painter has not decided yet..."

"So... what, I just wait? Are there 2 painters?"

"Yep. Yep..."

"I am starting to feel so worthless -- so like nothing. Just dirt. The longer I wait -- do nothing -- the more I feel like dirt."

"Feeling... No running this time... And is not what you are? Dirt?"

"Yes... Bbbbbut with a PURPOSE!!"

"What if The Painter wants you for others to walk on? -- to see where they are walking and WHO they are walking on?
What if The Painter wants to use you for a color -- a background? What if The Painter chooses to cover you with another color? What if He wants to show paint this part orange?
What if The Painter wants to work and play focused on another project for a while -- using other things and will get back to you later -- in HIS time?"

"What if?"

"Yes. Is this not your question?"

"Yes... I want to know."

"The Painter uses back brush."

"I...I...I just do not want to be nothing."

"Is 'to be' the same as 'do' for you?"

"It has been..."

"NO! You are wrong."

"'Do' has been 'to be' for you -- there is a difference."

"Now if I know I am dirt -- land -- and if I know what The Purpose is -- or... I mean, what it was supposed to be -- I think... NO, I KNOW... I can do (or be) whatever... what is right. I get it now!"

"No you do not -- not yet."

"WHAT AM I NOT GETTING?!!"

"Are you afraid of feeling lonely?
"Would it make a difference to you, if I told you, you are in good company?"

"WHAT? In the dark -- nights of fear -- pail, pail, pail... buckets of tears... and a mind that races about new projects and proof to my friends and family that I am better now -- but I do nothing but sit here -- barren?"

"Are you dead?"
"I feel dead... when I am not doing something productive. I need something in me growing -- whatever -- it seems that is my purpose the reason I was created -- right?"

"Nope."

"WHAT IS THIS -- A GAME?"

"No. But you were 'game' so she said..."

"If not for a seen thing -- then WHAT REASON do I to live?"

"There is only ONE Reason one lives and one dies."

"That is what I am talking about! Don't you hear what I say?!!"

"Yes... but you are still learning to hear. If you can't sit still, you will not be able to stand. SIT STILL and keep talking to me and listen. You do not have to keep wrestling with The Artist -- He is a mixed medium Artist... But if you say you need it -- I tell you, We WILL go to the mat, man! One Way of the other, you need to hear the rebellion in your heart. Alone in a lonely place -- or in the mix with everything. You need to hear how you have owned what was not yours to own -- use what was not yours to use... You need to see it for real. You need to hear... You need to hear what it means to be still and to wait. You need to hear Truth and hear Trust. And, I tell you, this takes time. But, if you need 'something to do' then I suggest to you one thing. Praise The One Who heard you... Praise The One who chose to Paint you in HIS work. Stop focusing on what "you" will be, do or become and learn who HE was, is and is to come. I am giving you a pair of reading glasses and some hearing aides. BE STILL... WAIT... There is Reason to this -- and believe it or not, friend, you do not know, yet, "The Reason" if you keep asking about what YOU will do. Okay?"

"I don't know how to praise Him..."

"Yes you do."

Then, suddenly, peace like a cloud covered the waiting land. Sometimes the cloud was dark, sometimes the cloud was white...
And the land was kept moist by lands own tears...; November 18, 2008 2:01 PM
Anonymous said...: fool and a liar
from foolierr
anon...
tim
need 1 conf.?; November 18, 2008 3:43 PM
Anonymous said...: Everything?
Are you kidding?
EVERYTHING?

John 1
The Word Became Flesh
1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2He was with God in the beginning.

3Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4In him was life, and that life was the light of men. 5The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood[a] it.

6There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. 7He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. 8He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. 9The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world.[b]

10He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. 11He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. 12Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— 13children born not of natural descent,[c] nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.

14The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only,[d] who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

15John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.' " 16From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. 17For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. 18No one has ever seen God, but God the One and Only,[e][f]who is at the Father's side, has made him know; November 18, 2008 4:52 PM
Anonymous said...: She heard something from a friend...
A good friend.
A musician...
A good musician.
And it made her feel lost
And it made her feel scared
And it made her shake and cry
Deep -- can't speak
Deep -- try and speak
Deep... And so he hugged her
Deep -- he knows her.
And together the walked up to James who was also his friend.

She was a mess...
A real mess.

She sobbed and huffed and sobbed and huffed and in between it all, she said, "Did you know..."

James looked at her husband behind her with question-eyes. "Is SHE okay?"

She snapped. "Why are you looking at him like that?"

James returned to her face... sorry. And later, he called her to say he was sorry. Later, she did not know why he was calling to say he was sorry. Things happen. She pays no mind to the pebbles that occasionally get in her sandal. She just takes shakes her foot a little and it is over. But he reminder her, and she said, it didn't bother her... just for the moment. But he needed to ask forgiveness -- for himself. James and his Father know more about that event than she did...

After she shook her foot she continued. "Ddddid -- you ---- knnnow thththat there.... that there are people -- there are pepepeople who do, who do not believe that ... that ... that...."
She could hardly get out the words. So foreign to wrong in who she understood her Father to be. She cried and cried while the two men waited.

"KKKristians... some believe that God chooses some and not others! Did you know that? DID YOU?!!"

Well, this was new information to her at the time. She had no idea that such doctrine had been debated in Christianity by their own hot dogs and cool cats. She did not know about these "two sides".

Her friend told her that God knows who will come to Him and who will not. Her friend told her that God chooses one and not the other...

He told her that he had read all what is called "Calvin". She did not know "Calvin" and she really did not like to read all that stuff anyway. It made her feel dirty. Like she moved from from home -- like she packed her heart and gut away -- and moved into The Head.

James smiled sweet and said, "I don't believe that."

She cried, "PEOPLE IN THIS PLACE BELIEVE THAT!"

"Who?" He asked.

"OUR FRIEND! OUR MUSICIAN FRIEND!!" (His name was James too.)

But she remembered His face. She knew who "suffered the most" and it was not about a doctrine or things taught by men.

Just today she learned that there is a man, a pasture, who said, "DO NOT READ THE SHACK! THE BOOK IS NOT OF GOD!" And she heard another say, "IF HARRY POTTER WAS LIVING IN THE OLD TESTAMENT, GOD WOULD KILL HIM! HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH WITCHCRAFT!"

And then she heard a man say, "Rock and Roll does not honor God." And she heard one say, "African drumming is from the devil." And she heard another one say, "To repent means to simply change your mind and drive in another direction..." "We're only human..."

Today, he given a title -- fool and a liar. Today... he heard a baby cry in places called "not for God".

And Then he remembered what she had forgotten. Those doors are closed. Moving past these houses, but she remembered the voices. And he remembered HIS voice..."Forgive them, they do not know what they are doing".

They so want to dance...
They are free to choose whatever they want.

But there are judges watching his every move. She can feel the black crows and vultures waiting to eat her death. She'll be gone soon enough. He looks to them and He says, "You do not know Me! I am not married to you! If you watch me in such a way as to judge me if I dance, you do so with the heart of the wife who judged The Dance in the Courts. Your love is the love of power and authority that is seen rather then unseen. You watch me like the one who keeps eyes on the face of a clock and are not on WHO has called you to face."

The two replied: "He speaks like a woman, she speaks like a man.
God said 'let there be light -- all things of God are light..." These two men are waiting... Watching."

Back off!; November 18, 2008 6:25 PM
Anonymous said...: Okay...
too many readers and picture takers.
too many who NEED a face and a name.
too many who NEED a title.
too many who NEED hold reason tight.

Not YOURS to hold,
And I will not play tug of war.
Chicken and Rice Stew "ALL GONE".
Sorry, Land... there's more
Sorry, babies in your cribs -- there's more
Sorry, m... the story tellers want another "good read".
m... I see you, there in the middle of a circle -- trapped by the people-wall. Sorry, there were just too many lookie-loos.
I hear your cry...
I am sorry, the rescue for you, because of others, has been denied for now.

Not so great to pretend you're someone else. it will make you all crazy -- a dope-a-mean-rush.

I see so many in His eyes.
The question is do you see?
It is all or nothing.
No kidding.; November 18, 2008 7:02 PM
Anonymous said...: Again, we're back to 49/51.
51% is pointer and middle finger straight up and clinched fist with the little, ring, and opposing thumb. "peace-me...peace-me" MEMEMEMEMEMEEEEEEEEEEE 51%
And 49... well, it is close, but no bananas -- at least for "you".

So, 51 -buy-bye!
"Good luck" would be a lie.
Untangle the web inside...
Stop playing games and being the game. We could have had some fun, you know?

He does not dance alone.
He leads...; November 18, 2008 7:11 PM
Anonymous said...: PS...
For REAL... ALWAYS. I would like to thank seven friends.

In a more Refined Way... From Home. Please, in the name of The One who Stands at the door and knocks. This knocking, friends, are songs that "will last". They have been hymns to my heart and through you, our Father has shaped His hand with you and me... Sorry, it is the last of a long winded bye. But I so just don't want to miss anyone. Okay?

I will write another check. It will bounce SO HIGH. In faith, covered in grace, please allow me to share with all word-birds a thank-you.; November 18, 2008 8:17 PM
Anonymous said...: PS First:
Thanksgiving and Prayer
3We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, 4because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all the saints— 5the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel 6that has come to you. All over the world this gospel is bearing fruit and growing, just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and understood God's grace in all its truth. 7You learned it from Epaphras, our dear fellow servant, who is a faithful minister of Christ on our[c] behalf, 8and who also told us of your love in the Spirit.
9For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully 12giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you[d] to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. 13For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, 14in whom we have redemption,[e] the forgiveness of sins.

The Supremacy of Christ
15He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. 17He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. 19For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, 20and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.
21Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of[f] your evil behavior. 22But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— 23if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.

Paul's Labor for the Church
24Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. 25I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— 26the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. 27To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.
28We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. 29To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me.; November 19, 2008 9:56 AM
Anonymous said...: PS Middle:

Read the Bible. The Bible is the whole and complete story man. It is written in a way that does make a "personal opinion" on The Word. It promotes clear thinking and relationship with God -- His communication to His beloved. "Theology, though true in every way, it alone can't chance me..." Jesus Christ, The Holy Spirit and God the Father work together. Jesus Christ is The Way, The Truth and the Life. No one goes to our Father, except by him. "opinion is the queen of the world -- but this ONE goes way beyond 'opinion' -- Crown This One King! Where we come from, that is a bold, bold statement. But we are not 'company men'...."

As you know by now, the invasion is true. There is a dark side -- clothed in false light (temporary light). It is a "If I do this... I will feel better... and I will look good or it will help the world." DO NOTHING. The highest calling is to serve... In the Bible, some servants are in a place to speak the truth in what the world thinks is "high places" (or queens). Joseph was an example of this. HOWEVER -- His story has been written. ALL "stories" have and are being written. "Remain in Me and I remain in you." Jesus said.

The healthy one hates "drugs" of any kind -- sin. Something that one "uses". God is close to His children with a humble heart. Blessed Be....

Now, listen. There are many “spiritual” people who talk the talk and walk the walk. It is "crazy making". I always say, "If you know what love "isn’t" that is a good start. To see clearly is not the same as judging. To see what is sick, is not the same as the person who is sick. We are all “users” ( we are all sinners_. There is only ONE “redeemer” that takes on all this for and to Himself. Believe now, or later, after as many trials as it takes... (what will it take?). Now, look for what LOVE IS. The Bible is a full and complete book of love. Scandalous Love! Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit are "creating a place" for the faithful -- those who believe and follow Him close. If you do not read His words -- if you do not enjoy his words... then communion will not make sense. Water baptism will not make sense... Jesus wants to eat with Him – His body – His blood… not our own.

Some people think salvation or being rescued has an order. For many feel safer when they have witnessed this order. A man confesses his shame both in body, mind, soul and strength... and he seeks his Father of forgiveness...
All the while confessing and seeking and asking. The Holy Spirit might come to Him in this state. (Acts speaks about this.) There is A WHOLE Lot of "game players". Some know it. Others do not. They are "driven" by purpose. BUT HEAR ME! The Price has ALREADY been PAID. "It is finished". Nothing you do now, nothing -- will affect that fact. It is an extremely narrow road. (No matter how you see it). If a person starts eating hot dogs even after He has been accepted into community (communion) he will want more and more and more.

Maintain fellowship with one another. Jesus is alive in His Body -- REAL Christians.

Now, we walk around in this dead and dying body with the Light of Jesus Christ -- alive. The more He is alive in us, the more we die. To those who hate God, we stink. To those who love God... we smell good. To those who seek God, we be-do what Jesus tells us to do.

Praise God and Pray without stopping. He has made ALL things so that man is without excuse. Take time to look at part of HIS "invisible qualities that are clearly seen in creation." Let go of the writing. What you were once good at, you will become poor. What you were once poor at, you will become rich. The first will be last (and may not come at all because they are naked and ashamed and refuse the blood of the Lamb of God).

Pray the LORD keeps you, like a horse, on a tight, tight lead. DO NOT move in one direction or the other without His lead. He has (in private places) wide open, free fields for Him and you to run... Draw pretty pictures. Keep still and quiet. And fill the massive holes that have been dug with all that is good, honest, and true. This is the ONLY "project" for you, now. You see... it feels like you are seeing something for the first time -- a new thing. But precious one, the Truth is, your eyes have been opened. That's all. Any idea that you will become a king is not from God. He washes feet. He carries a cross, there is a thorn in his side. Grace is sufficient for you,
Always. And no matter what, He will ALWAYS point you to this is this is your hearts cry. Once you pick it up and "own" is Grace, trouble begins.
Remember, we are created for one reason. To walk with Him and talk with Him. To see Him in others when He plays peek-a-boo… to serve others. He has paid the price. We stand “outside the city”. Do not “go back” and get something you think you forgot. Nothing is important… His hands are caring for all things – Relationship… we are not “the world” were are children of God , rescued by mercy and grace. May these words as they are lived True in our lives again come to life…
What does God want? It is simple. He is our Father, and He is calling us Home into the warm wool sweater of His comfort. “Draw near to Me and I will draw near to You.” Remember when we are first looking to walk. What do we see loving parents do? They sit on the floor – one parent across from the other. And each one we go to, turns us around, and calls with smiles, “Hello, sweetie – you can do it, come here.” And that sweet one stands and takes one foot in front of the other… and makes a step. What do we hear? Cheers… And them we’re able to walk.
Walk, don’t run. Never, need to keep up with God. He never changes. Always keep a steady pace with HIS timing. At times it might feel too slow… if so, we’re missing something. But never is it too fast. We might feel like we are in a hurry, because there is a window of time when the heart is true and right to be “born again”. “TODAY if you hear His Heart, do NOT harden your heart”.
“Crave PURE spiritual milk”. Be small, grow smaller. It is were all the wonders are seen and heard and protected.
God WILL speak in any language to get His point across. As creature of ALL things, and as Jesus is “creating a place for us” in another place – our hearts and our minds and our bodies – spirit – transformed… we are whispered secrets. Some are meant to be shared – most are seeds mean to be planted...
The next super-fun drug coming is a “we are the world” campaign. (Like the “I’d like to teach the world to sing… in perfect harmony…” in the 70’s) It will include “Christians”. In the name of saving our own lives, unconditional love (even what love “isn’t). “everyone!” Remember? History is a good predictor of the future. Cultural expressions are short lived and only part of what is happening in the Real”. Man has a number. The Bible tells us man’s number is 6. Three times “man” is close to God. !) When God made man in His image. 2) When God became a man for Israel. 3) When man became his own God… Jesus was and is and is to come… (God forbid any soul become his own “personal opinion” about their god(s).)
Each man will do what his heart tells him to do. Nothing we can say will change this because there is no repenting, no desire to live clean and free… and mostly, the love of many idols. Special needs children – they focus on toys or the movement of their own hands more than their mother or father who simply wants to hug her kids… These children believe in Santa Claws and love to decorate for Christmas… And they have positive confession wish lists. It is always about themselves. We are aliens to this world. We live here, but it is not our home. We are free in Christ and called by Him to do what HE wants or does not want… Jesus told us he was “sending us out where there were wolves in sheep clothes and false light. He said, “be as wise as a serpent and as innocent as a dove.” It is a walk of faith that takes the gut – eyes and ears… to navigate with a child-like heart. ALWAYS our heart and spirit and soul must be in His hands. We listen. Listen. And we report what we see to The Ones who hear.

LOVE; November 19, 2008 11:26 AM
Anonymous said...: PS End:

Jesus is the Author.
Jesus is the Creator...
Jesus is the One who is at the Right Hand of God. He can see our hearts -- our souls... It is our attempts to save ourselves from ourselves. This is what has caused the garbage -- seen and unseen. If we do not judge, we will see how it is a direct reflection of an abused soul... Jesus died and rose again, as God the Father takes full and complete responsibility for His Children. This is real. It is not something to "know" and go one yer merry way. This will and has produce death. Death to self, or death to others. However, if you live to love Him... to know Him... the dead and the dying you will see, and in the name of anon... help to rescue a child, stuck out in the middle of the street... in the name of "go ask Alice".

This site has been redeemed. Time to shut it down.

LOVE
LOVE
LOVE

A real life picture of The Prodigal Sons in both father and son...

Remember, "The Story" has ALREADY been told... We hear and we see echos if we are not rescued and given a New Song...

Amen.

Listen, I hear the fat lady singing!; November 19, 2008 11:42 AM
ms. mihaylova said...: Nic I know this is a crazy request and you are shutting this blog thing down but...my Honors Seminar class just read both your and your father' books. I was intrigued by your experiance and I am not writting a feature story about it. I would like your input and I am wondering if there is any way I can get in contact with you..for example email. My email is posted on my blogger site. Please get in touch with me if you can.; November 19, 2008 12:29 PM
not_so_perfect said...: You look at me and dont like what you see. I am not the person you wanted me to be. I have never fit the mold of the perfect daughter. I was never good enough for you. Never smart enough or pretty enough. I hate you so much for all the years you put down and hit me. I used to think that I wasnt worthy enough for love but now ai have seen the light. It is you daddy that is not worthy. It is you daddy that is not good enough. Now I know that you put me down to make your pethic life seem better. You are a monster daddy and I am glad that I no longer have to be around you. I am now free from you daddy. No longer can you pull me down with you. I am strong now daddy so in the end I guess I should thank you.; November 19, 2008 10:18 PM
Anonymous said...: WHO D’DADDY?

When The Living Word speaks again and again into our hearts, often, the message is the same. It is a call home to the simple life for everyman. He Wrote, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me close – whoever hears MY voice in the midst of so many ‘voices’ will never again find himself running away – trying to find himself in internal house of mere- mirrors – in a world of darkness and confusion resulting in the nagging, anxiety and depression that begs constant the need for release...

Instead, walking close in Me, and I in you, you will have the Light of Life. We’ll talk and we will reason together. I will show you safe passages… show you the power of Love, and too, what love ain’t… And we will be together in love, Truth and holiness. I will be your teacher… and if you remain in me, and I remain in you, you will learn and mature.”

Oh but of course, the hot dogs and cool cats HATE this crap! They hate it with a passion. These words stir them all up inside. So they start justifying themselves and taking offense. They never like to feel like anyone is telling them wut’up. They are all about outsides and what they look like to others… So they start the round and round and round again diatribe with The Word… again…

“Here you are AGAIN… talking away about yourself – being your own witness. So, with no witness – whatever you write or speak is not valid! THAT is the LAW!”

The Word of God replies… again. “Listen guys, even if I speak to you about myself -- on my own behalf – it does not make it a lie. I am speaking The Truth. I know where I came from and I know where I am going. But you poor things in your pimped out rides and fancy cribs, have no idea where you are going. Your heart and mind judge by human standards based on justification and self preservation. I do not pass judgment on anyone… However, IF I do “judge” (and there are times when I do make a determination based on what is clearly seen in real life inside and out) my decisions are true. Why? Because, I am not alone! Sure, you see me “alone without a witness” but I am NOT! I stand with my Father, the One who sent me. In all your so called morals and ethical standards and the laws, it is written that “the testimony of two witnesses is true”. Right? But, I am one who testifies for myself; my other witness is the Father, who sent me."

Now this made all the cool cats and hot dogs very mad. The words He spoke left no room for their own opinions and advice! They could see that if this went on too long, there might very possibly be anarchy against religion and government and the economy. With the same kind of mocking tone, the hot dogs and cool cats looked around for “the dad”. And then they looked at the faces of those who walked close to Jesus… And asked, “So… who d’daddy?”
The Living Word of God, this everyman commonly named Jesus, replied, "You do not know me or my Father." If you knew me, you would know my Father also."

The Word spoken in the temple courts was spoken near the place where all the give-to-get offerings was collected. The cool cats and hot dogs did not want to seem so mad in this place – it could have really messed up the whole idea that this “sew-a-money-tree-seed” thing was about eternal blessing and heavenly treasures. And believe me, hot dogs and cool cats with titles depend on the whole “give-to-get” religious system. [see clay-A foot note] On this day, the cool cats and hot dogs did not seize him then thinking it was a good idea on their part. However, the REAL reason was… the hour of the one and only Son of God had not yet come.

The hot dogs and cool cats wrote notes back and forth to one another, and whispered… then together they said, “We are sure you are nothing more than a mentally ill, attention getting, false teaching weirdo… are we not right in what we declare about you? Are you not the worst of the worst – a crazy wierdo?”

The answer was clearly and plainly written: “I am safe and sane. I am clean and sober -- I write the truth – I do not sit in any seat of the mockers, I do not take offence; nor do I clutch on to add campaigns created by man for hot dogs and cool cats… I honor my Father. I listen to what He tells me. I hear His voice. But you hot dogs and cool cats do not honor what is written – you say it is a manipulation and lies and a cult. I do not want, nor will I ever sit in the seat of mocker and cool cats and hot dogs. I will not. BUT there is One who seeks the True Seat of Judgment and Mercy. He is the judge of all things. If you read the Word of God – if you see the Light of God – and you take it in your heart – believing and living in the Truth – understanding The Heart to heart mind and spirit of holiness and purity, you will not see death. And you will find the true blessings in a quiet and simple life.”

The hot dogs and cool cats said, “SEE! There… Looks what is written and what He says! Abraham died and so did the prophets, yet you say that if anyone keeps your word, he will never taste death. Are you greater than the very best of our fathers of faith? Better than our father – the one who listened to God and was a faithful follower of God… Our father who has passed down the promise to us, all of us – who now outnumber the sands and the stars? Of course, he and all the others of our prophets died! Who do you think you are if you say you are not of the devil – demon possessed – mentally ill, attention getting crack-pot, junkie? “

“Man, on man… does this have to go on forever? Listen! If I take a seat of honor and all the hot dogs and cool cats think I am ‘the shit’ and ‘the bomb’ and if I allow you or anyone to claim I am a good o’ boy, it means NOTHING! Do you not SEE even NOW, Children of The Promise? Your reasoning was that Abraham, your own father, died… My Father, whom you all claim as your God, is the ONLY One who glorifies me. I am thinking you don’t know Him at all! I know Him, and He knows me. He loves me and I love Him. If I wrote this was not true, I would be a liar. I would be just like you guys. BUT, I DO know Him. And I keep His Word. And let me tell you a little about those you think “have died”. The prophets whom you speak of, and even your father, Abraham, rejoiced and sang songs of praises at the very thought of seeing my day – The Day. He saw it… and he was so, so very glad.”
The hot dogs and cool cats responded… “ARE YOU KIDDING US?!! You are not even fifty years old… and you are saying you know Abraham! You are wacked! – You have you head in the clouds, you clown!”

Again, He responded. “I keep telling you The Truth… before Abraham was born, I am!”
Now, the religious cool cats and hot dogs found this way too offensive. How could The Living Word of God communicate such a thing? They knew for sure, the meaning of I AM. It is the name of God and God alone. And NEVER to be used by a mere-mirror-man – NEVER! No man or woman in the name of “Christ consciousness” can confess ‘I AM, I said’ – Even “if no one is there except for a chair”. The truth is, the ones who speaks this, are “lost and don’t even know why.” But, when The One came, who was the only One I AM, no one believed. “No one of the so called teachers confessed they understood or heard – not even the chair!” And, at least this much they knew… They got half of it…

So, they became confused, and in the midst of their confusion they passed judgment. The cool cats and hot dogs grabbed a bunch of stones – living and dead – in order to beat him up – to stone him to death.

But, the Chief Corner Stone -- The One and Only Living Word of God, Jesus Christ – the Author – the Artist… well, He suddenly disappeared into the crowd -- and was just another “everyman” face. He slipped away from the hot dogs and cool cats – the temple grounds.
___________________________________

Clay-A footnote: Many, many follow this idea, and cut and paste The Word together in order to form a rule of doctrine and spiritual laws. Some call it “the secret”. It is old news, guys. It is a concept that has been bla,bla,bla’d about for thousands of years. (Some of the titles are Senior Pastor, Leaders, Prophets, Enlightened Teacher, Channeler, Spiritual Guru, Inspired One… Gnostics. These cool cats and hot dogs, basically say, “We hear from God”, or “We have the straight poop” “We got the ‘universe inside us’ and are tapping into ‘the magic’ … It’s all good … lost, poor souls need us to find themselves and love themselves and for themselves, awaken to the god-man as part of god’s children – one great family… we are the world… dream it and you will get the dream and own it for yourself.” Dope-a-mean is everything. Hot dogs and cool cats depended on these ideas so they could continue their jobs. A soft spoken voice does not equate with humility….

___________________________________

THE FOLLOWING IS FOR “KING JAMES IS THE ONLY REAL TRANSLATION” AND NUMBER LOVERS
John 8:12-59 (King James Version)
King James Version
___________________________________

12Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.
13The Pharisees therefore said unto him, Thou bearest record of thyself; thy record is not true.
14Jesus answered and said unto them, Though I bear record of myself, yet my record is true: for I know whence I came, and whither I go; but ye cannot tell whence I come, and whither I go.
15Ye judge after the flesh; I judge no man.
16And yet if I judge, my judgment is true: for I am not alone, but I and the Father that sent me.
17It is also written in your law, that the testimony of two men is true.
18I am one that bear witness of myself, and the Father that sent me beareth witness of me.
19Then said they unto him, Where is thy Father? Jesus answered, Ye neither know me, nor my Father: if ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also.
20These words spake Jesus in the treasury, as he taught in the temple: and no man laid hands on him; for his hour was not yet come.
21Then said Jesus again unto them, I go my way, and ye shall seek me, and shall die in your sins: whither I go, ye cannot come.
22Then said the Jews, Will he kill himself? because he saith, Whither I go, ye cannot come.
23And he said unto them, Ye are from beneath; I am from above: ye are of this world; I am not of this world.
24I said therefore unto you, that ye shall die in your sins: for if ye believe not that I am he, ye shall die in your sins.
25Then said they unto him, Who art thou? And Jesus saith unto them, Even the same that I said unto you from the beginning.
26I have many things to say and to judge of you: but he that sent me is true; and I speak to the world those things which I have heard of him.
27They understood not that he spake to them of the Father.
28Then said Jesus unto them, When ye have lifted up the Son of man, then shall ye know that I am he, and that I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me, I speak these things.
29And he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him.
30As he spake these words, many believed on him.
31Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;
32And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
33They answered him, We be Abraham's seed, and were never in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free?
34Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin.
35And the servant abideth not in the house for ever: but the Son abideth ever.
36If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.
37I know that ye are Abraham's seed; but ye seek to kill me, because my word hath no place in you.
38I speak that which I have seen with my Father: and ye do that which ye have seen with your father.
39They answered and said unto him, Abraham is our father. Jesus saith unto them, If ye were Abraham's children, ye would do the works of Abraham.
40But now ye seek to kill me, a man that hath told you the truth, which I have heard of God: this did not Abraham.
41Ye do the deeds of your father. Then said they to him, We be not born of fornication; we have one Father, even God.
42Jesus said unto them, If God were your Father, ye would love me: for I proceeded forth and came from God; neither came I of myself, but he sent me.
43Why do ye not understand my speech? even because ye cannot hear my word.
44Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.
45And because I tell you the truth, ye believe me not.
46Which of you convinceth me of sin? And if I say the truth, why do ye not believe me?
47He that is of God heareth God's words: ye therefore hear them not, because ye are not of God.
48Then answered the Jews, and said unto him, Say we not well that thou art a Samaritan, and hast a devil?
49Jesus answered, I have not a devil; but I honour my Father, and ye do dishonour me.
50And I seek not mine own glory: there is one that seeketh and judgeth.
51Verily, verily, I say unto you, If a man keep my saying, he shall never see death.
52Then said the Jews unto him, Now we know that thou hast a devil. Abraham is dead, and the prophets; and thou sayest, If a man keep my saying, he shall never taste of death.
53Art thou greater than our father Abraham, which is dead? and the prophets are dead: whom makest thou thyself?
54Jesus answered, If I honour myself, my honour is nothing: it is my Father that honoureth me; of whom ye say, that he is your God:
55Yet ye have not known him; but I know him: and if I should say, I know him not, I shall be a liar like unto you: but I know him, and keep his saying.
56Your father Abraham rejoiced to see my day: and he saw it, and was glad.
57Then said the Jews unto him, Thou art not yet fifty years old, and hast thou seen Abraham?
58Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Before Abraham was, I am.
59Then took they up stones to cast at him: but Jesus hid himself, and went out of the temple, going through the midst of them, and so passed by.
___________________________________
not so perfect, I LOVE YOU!; November 20, 2008 1:30 PM
Anonymous said...: Some songs were meant to last.
Some songs will not.; November 20, 2008 6:53 PM
Anonymous said...: it's that simple man; November 20, 2008 6:55 PM
Anonymous said...: Thank-you, Andrew.

Two questions -- the answers were "No"...

1.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDHoTOgeNWE&feature=related

2.)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDHoTOgeNWE&feature=related

Here, late 1960's... the writer moves into the heart of what it must have been like to be a close follower of Jesus. The lyrics, like psalms, still hold true today.

In the second clip, you will hear a heart cry to "start again" as the close followers begin to see that the one they love will die. Somewhere in their bones they knew a great and mighty event was taking place, but they were living it for the first time, of course. And so did not know what to expect ... Andrew does a wonderful work writing in the voice of Mary and Peter.

There is no going back. Yet, the cry is heard... and must be expressed.

Please remember, the story has already been written. Learn from history and keep listening and talking with Jesus Christ. He is alive -- here -- always has been and promises not to leave us. Okay?

Learn and know history to understand where you're at today.

Rest.

... at the time this was released, many christians had a COW. They did not understand from what point of view the writer was communicating. Strangly, many christian's then thought that this threatened their faith... Some said, "...the song says, Jesus Christ Superstar, who in the hell do you think you are?" Nope.

Later, we learn that this work touched many who had such a point of view -- the point of view of Judas. And identified with the lyrics deeply and heard a call far beyond the popularity of the song.

LOVE

There are no new points of view. We set our eyes on ONE who has lived and died and gone before us. "He was one of us, somehow like you and me, the God we serve breathed the air that we breath -- He stood where we stand, and He knows what we need. He was one of us...."; November 20, 2008 8:39 PM
Anonymous said...: PLEASE. THIS HELPS YOU LEARN...
THIS IS NEWER, AND MY VERY MOST SPECIAL SONG!! CAN YOU HEAR THE WORD?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zftdy3Omdg&feature=related

:) Not kidding.; November 20, 2008 9:19 PM
Anonymous said...: My daughter works nights. She sleeps during the day. If she misses something during the day, when she is sleeping (because when she works the NOC shift, she is caring for the elderly), do I get angry with her? Do I say, "It was right in from of your face for 20 hours!?!!" No... I do not.

"A promise is a promise"...

If I see that one son has brown eyes and the other son has blue eyes -- do I say, I love the one son better than the other -- I love blue better than brown? OR brown better than blue? No.

History is written through the choices we make. One thing leads to the other. In the post here, New Dawn Transmission, Nic writes about his friend. He says he could see the bright orange cap against the muted tones of the earth. (Plastic... man made plastic)

And then he writes he sat with him for a time and thought about what lead up to his friend "using".

To "make straight the paths" in the hearts of man and in the nations -- we go ALL the WAY BACK to when we first started "using" and why we did this in the first place.

I heard one person say, "I was SO wrong." That is not good enough. Sorry. History show is that admitting wrong -- or guilt -- does not equate to asking for forgiveness and begging for mercy and grace. Pride gets in the way. Man from the beginning desires to be "his or her own" (god). And this (sorry cult lovers) crap grows like weeds in and through the gardens of ones own heart as well as the hearts of others. The result? Babies cry. Ther is a differnce between a baby who cries that is well fed, loved and tended to -- in various cultures. But it is the silent cries of babies that have no strenght -- no water to make tears any more... MAN, I tell you THIS IS LOUD! So... the One who sees, will in one moment make a judgement. And this will be about "what lead the users" to use.
The CCC's say it is not the fault of parents. Like David, I disagree completely. "What one of us can not say..." we could have, should have, would have done something different?

Oh... hear? The pits? "We are perfect. We take care fo our children -- for our litter, we hire each a nanny..." Time will tell. Time will tell. Your history -- the place you "started" was based on a broken promise. Count your coins if you will, the face is not invisible.

Dear Daughter...
Thank-you.
Now that you are waking, do you see
What you have missed? Do you see?

I am going to share what you knew before your slumber... I am going to share it again with the people -- the stars and the sands dead and alive.

Wake up. Wake up... time to deal with the "orange caps". Saying, "I was wrong" might help you feel better... standing firm in your opinion might make you feel like a queen... but it is not the Real Meal Deal... And about that Calvin and Hobs? I just don't know what to think about doctrine lovers. Again, I guess we'll just have to "go back to see WHY"? He's waiting, He has been waiting... He LOVES us!

Precious to me...
Ezekiel

PS
Re: the finger nail gal. stop waisting your time!; November 21, 2008 10:41 AM
Anonymous said...: Okay?
Sorry, some of you places got too megga 4 yer own good.

And...
There are a growing number of NKT cells. Growing far beyond the body's healthy limit.

They threaten to crowd out the healthy B cells. Some of the T cells are "dizzy" and are not able to function in the way that they were made. These are VERY tiny. VERY, VERY, VERY tiny. BUT if they are not healthy, they will distroy the whole body. It starts out slow -- but it can get going fast in no time at all.

It is written: "Love the LORD your God with ALL of your srength, ALL of your mind, ALL of your soul and ALL of your heart." ALL means ALL.

The second -- love your neighbor as yourself. Right? So... what have you been doing for "yourself" O? grrrrrrrrr. Do your "neighbors" have what you have? What is seen is real. No more self preservation and justification for your choices. No more saying you dreamed your own dream and created your own life. The first WILL be last. The Last WILL be first. Humble yourself in the fact that you have seen riches and the popular vote. And for the poor, the weak, the ones who have stayed the course dispite countless storms... seek first the Kingdom of God. Remember where your treasures are. Continue to pray for the hot dogs and cool cats as they will want to repay you when their eyes are open. They will want to give back everything that they took from you in the name of "it's legal" and in the name of "prosperity doctrin" and in the name of "the movies".

Where will all those orange caps go? Recycled? There's a manly idea. Far be it for hot dogs and cool cats to repent at the cross and stay there... Not all "right" is right. And not all "left" is right. I am telling you the truth. There is One Way. And, it has been made clear to all man. Every second of every day.

To my half brothers... do you remember when God took care of you and your mother in the desert? Remember? You have beautiful children. And their blood lines are now mixed... you see? Do not hold on to a DNA in the name of the fight. Your children, innocent victims, will cry tears that you will not be able to get out of your heart. There is no such things as "holy" war. Why? When you are praying... do you "war" with God in the holy place? Who is saying "I will do what you want me to?"
Who's "voice" do you hear?

Who's "blood-line" was in Jesus Christ?
Why is He called The Son of God and The Son of Man? If you venture beyond the point of The Cross, in the name of heaven on earth by killing your wn children -- you do so by another voice... If you do not start with your OWN heart. If you do not see, in the eyes of your child, the need for God's Love, Grace, Mercy, Compassion, Slow to Anger-Love... HIS sacrifice alone -- you will not see at all.
Humble yourselves.
"You have nothing in your hands".

What is "power"
What is "glory"
??????????????

Hey!??; November 21, 2008 11:29 AM
Alexander said...: I wish you seriously good luck in everything you do Nic. Your writings have inspired me a great deal and made me want to pursue my own goals and aspirations. Thanks for all the ways you've touched each and everyone of us, and don't think for a minute that you haven't. I know i'm a better person now for having become acquainted with you. Good luck Nic and I wish you the best. Take care brother,

Love, Alex; November 21, 2008 11:34 AM
Anonymous said...: I LOVE THE NAME ALEXANDER!
When I was in high school, for some reason, I used to write Alexander in cursive. The letters seemed to just flow together without any effort at all... I would just lift the pen once after crossing the X from upper right down to the lower left -- from 1 to 7 o'clock if you will.

Hey, re: stones... there is a Randy Stonehill song called keep me running... and another one called "Mark on Me". He lives in LA, so his website says. Who knows.

I knew a man named Tim and he loved to wrestle more than The Wrestler. The wrestle was in his heart. But when it was over, the wrestler moved to things seen. He changed his name to God only God. And I WOULD NOT call him by this self appointed name. NO WAY.

I hope he went back to Tim and sees he has a story to tell that might help others who love to wrestle more than The Wrestler.; November 21, 2008 12:38 PM
Anonymous said...: Re: "Angelina Jolie Controls How We See Her?
Star Has Tight Grip on Tabloid Coverage, New Report Says
PopEater
posted: 1 HOUR 37 MINUTES AGOcomments: 132filed under: Highbrow, Movie NewsPrintShareText SizeAAA(Nov. 21) - It's not easy being the Angelina Jolie familiar to millions around the world as a dedicated mother and philanthropist, and according to a new report by the New York Times, the actress and a handful of advisers have skillfully applied a tight grip on how celebrity magazines cover her."

Hu?

Angelina has a tight grip on what is written about her? I don't think so. I know The Author who is not subjected to her so called "grip" and will write her story JUST as HE SEES IT -- and it will not be a lie -- not a single letter, word, space or punctuation will be out of line.

Here is what was written about one named "Angelina" today...

"The Times claims that this summer, Jolie proposed a offer, with hefty editorial conditions, to several magazines for exclusive rights to run photos and a story about their newborn twins, Vivienne and Knox. According to the report, Jolie insisted that the winning magazine's coverage must "not reflect negatively on her or her family" and requested an "editorial plan" from the publication providing how the feature would be laid out.
The winning magazine was People, which published an article on Aug. 18 that had questions about her and partner Brad Pitt's charity work and how their other kids were adjusting, but as the Times points out, "no use of the word Brangelina, the tabloid amalgamation of their names, which irks the couple."
"These claims are categorically false," a spokeswoman from the publication told the Times. "Like any news organization, People does purchase photos, but the magazine does not determine editorial content based on the demands of outside parties."
The couple reportedly received an estimated $14 million for the pictures. The money was slated to go to charity, as did the $4.1 million they received in 2006 for exclusive pictures of their daughter Shiloh. Besides their three biological children, the pair have three adopted kids -- Maddox, Pax and Zahara.
Jolie doesn't have a publicist or an agent, so the interviews she gives and the photo opportunities she provides are often facilitated by the star herself. Other editors in the celebrity-driven media allege that Jolie has long dictated terms to magazines on how she and her family should be presented and covered and often creates her own photo situations.
After her divorce to Billy Bob Thornton in 2003, Jolie was sought by Us Magazine for an interview and photo shoot. She declined, but according to the Times, later offered the magazine a chance to photograph her playing with her adopted son, Maddox, in a paparazzi-like situation. The resulting image kick-started her public transformation from a dark and eccentric actress to a loving young mother."

Here's a shout out to ALL the "Angelinas" here and there; November 21, 2008 1:17 PM
Anonymous said...: Dear father, It has been a while since I last wrote. Forgive me. The whether has been unpredictable, and there seemed not to be a moment that I could walk to the Post Master to send you this message. I am tired, father. I know that you have rescued me so often from the choices -- the very bad and sick choices I have made. Today, I ask that you rescue me from myself. I have come to learn, father, what you tried to teach me over and over and over again. I confess, I took your love for granted. I knew you would alway be there for me... and this loving grace you have known, shown and taught me, went to my head. I said to myself, "I am a princess -- I am owned this and that! I am special and I am a daughter of my father's promises." I have not lived in heart, word or deed to the standard of a true princess.

During the time when we were appart, I saught comfort with my own arms. I used everything and every time you rescued me in the past, I forgot. I did not remember The Reason for your promises. And my own arms and hands, along with my own justifications of why I did the things I did were the result of need. I need more than myself. THAT is "real" my father.

As you know, I have damaged myself far beyond the law. There is no place for me in your house-rules. I have become someone different than what you knew of me before. And, I do not know what to do with myself, now.

I write this letter, sincerely begging you to reconsider the Son of Man called, Jesus the Christ. Father, please, put your scribes to work. Let the ones who are of sound mind and logic, examine the possibility, father, that Jesus, the son of Joseph was the one who our prophets spoke. Now, father, please. My life depends on it.

With great honor,
respect, love for our family,
And with the deepest regret
I write the truth of my state...
I can not come home in my condition...

In hope...
Your daughter

PS
The following I enclose in hope you reconsider for our name's sake.

Ezekiel 16
Your Beauty Went to Your Head

1-3 God's Message came to me: "Son of man, confront Jerusalem with her outrageous violations. Say this: 'The Message of God, the Master, to Jerusalem: You were born and bred among Canaanites. Your father was an Amorite and your mother a Hittite.
4-5 "'On the day you were born your umbilical cord was not cut, you weren't bathed and cleaned up, you weren't rubbed with salt, you weren't wrapped in a baby blanket. No one cared a fig for you. No one did one thing to care for you tenderly in these ways. You were thrown out into a vacant lot and left there, dirty and unwashed—a newborn nobody wanted.
6-7 "'And then I came by. I saw you all miserable and bloody. Yes, I said to you, lying there helpless and filthy, "Live! Grow up like a plant in the field!" And you did. You grew up. You grew tall and matured as a woman, full-breasted, with flowing hair. But you were naked and vulnerable, fragile and exposed.
8-14 "'I came by again and saw you, saw that you were ready for love and a lover. I took care of you, dressed you and protected you. I promised you my love and entered the covenant of marriage with you. I, God, the Master, gave my word. You became mine. I gave you a good bath, washing off all that old blood, and anointed you with aromatic oils. I dressed you in a colorful gown and put leather sandals on your feet. I gave you linen blouses and a fashionable wardrobe of expensive clothing. I adorned you with jewelry: I placed bracelets on your wrists, fitted you out with a necklace, emerald rings, sapphire earrings, and a diamond tiara. You were provided with everything precious and beautiful: with exquisite clothes and elegant food, garnished with honey and oil. You were absolutely stunning. You were a queen! You became world-famous, a legendary beauty brought to perfection by my adornments. Decree of God, the Master.
15-16 "'But your beauty went to your head and you became a common whore, grabbing anyone coming down the street and taking him into your bed. You took your fine dresses and made "tents" of them, using them as brothels in which you practiced your trade. This kind of thing should never happen, never.
What a Sick Soul!
17-19 "'And then you took all that fine jewelry I gave you, my gold and my silver, and made pornographic images of them for your brothels. You decorated your beds with fashionable silks and cottons, and perfumed them with my aromatic oils and incense. And then you set out the wonderful foods I provided—the fresh breads and fruits, with fine herbs and spices, which were my gifts to you—and you served them as delicacies in your whorehouses. That's what happened, says God, the Master.
20-21 "'And then you took your sons and your daughters, whom you had given birth to as my children, and you killed them, sacrificing them to idols. Wasn't it bad enough that you had become a whore? And now you're a murderer, killing my children and sacrificing them to idols.
22 "'Not once during these years of outrageous obscenities and whorings did you remember your infancy, when you were naked and exposed, a blood-smeared newborn.
23-24 "'And then to top off all your evil acts, you built your bold brothels in every town square. Doom! Doom to you, says God, the Master! At every major intersection you built your bold brothels and exposed your sluttish sex, spreading your legs for everyone who passed by.
25-27 "'And then you went international with your whoring. You fornicated with the Egyptians, seeking them out in their sex orgies. The more promiscuous you became, the angrier I got. Finally, I intervened, reduced your borders and turned you over to the rapacity of your enemies. Even the Philistine women—can you believe it?—were shocked at your sluttish life.
28-29 "'You went on to fornicate with the Assyrians. Your appetite was insatiable. But still you weren't satisfied. You took on the Babylonians, a country of businessmen, and still you weren't satisfied.
30-31 "'What a sick soul! Doing all this stuff—the champion whore! You built your bold brothels at every major intersection, opened up your whorehouses in every neighborhood, but you were different from regular whores in that you wouldn't accept a fee.
32-34 "'Wives who are unfaithful to their husbands accept gifts from their lovers. And men commonly pay their whores. But you pay your lovers! You bribe men from all over to come to bed with you! You're just the opposite of the regular whores who get paid for sex. Instead, you pay men for their favors! You even pervert whoredom!
35-38 "'Therefore, whore, listen to God's Message: I, God, the Master, say, Because you've been unrestrained in your promiscuity, stripped down for every lover, flaunting your sex, and because of your pornographic idols and all the slaughtered children you offered to them, therefore, because of all this, I'm going to get all your lovers together, all those you've used for your own pleasure, the ones you loved and the ones you loathed. I'll assemble them as a courtroom of spectators around you. In broad daylight I'll strip you naked before them—they'll see what you really look like. Then I'll sentence you to the punishment for an adulterous woman and a murderous woman. I'll give you a taste of my wrath!
39-41 "'I'll gather all your lovers around you and turn you over to them. They'll tear down your bold brothels and sex shrines. They'll rip off your clothes, take your jewels, and leave you naked and exposed. Then they'll call for a mass meeting. The mob will stone you and hack you to pieces with their swords. They'll burn down your houses. A massive judgment—with all the women watching!
41-42 "'I'll have put a full stop to your whoring life—no more paying lovers to come to your bed! By then my anger will be played out. My jealousy will subside.
43 "'Because you didn't remember what happened when you were young but made me angry with all this behavior, I'll make you pay for your waywardness. Didn't you just exponentially compound your outrageous obscenities with all your sluttish ways?
44-45 "'Everyone who likes to use proverbs will use this one: "Like mother, like daughter." You're the daughter of your mother, who couldn't stand her husband and children. And you're a true sister of your sisters, who couldn't stand their husbands and children. Your mother was a Hittite and your father an Amorite.
46-48 "'Your older sister is Samaria. She lived to the north of you with her daughters. Your younger sister is Sodom, who lived to the south of you with her daughters. Haven't you lived just like they did? Haven't you engaged in outrageous obscenities just like they did? In fact, it didn't take you long to catch up and pass them! As sure as I am the living God!—Decree of God, the Master—your sister Sodom and her daughters never even came close to what you and your daughters have done.
49-50 "'The sin of your sister Sodom was this: She lived with her daughters in the lap of luxury—proud, gluttonous, and lazy. They ignored the oppressed and the poor. They put on airs and lived obscene lives. And you know what happened: I did away with them.
51-52 "'And Samaria. Samaria didn't sin half as much as you. You've committed far more obscenities than she ever did. Why, you make your two sisters look good in comparison with what you've done! Face it, your sisters look mighty good compared with you. Because you've outsinned them so completely, you've actually made them look righteous. Aren't you ashamed? But you're going to have to live with it. What a reputation to carry into history: outsinning your two sisters!
53-58 "'But I'm going to reverse their fortunes, the fortunes of Sodom and her daughters and the fortunes of Samaria and her daughters. And—get this—your fortunes right along with them! Still, you're going to have to live with your shame. And by facing and accepting your shame, you're going to provide some comfort to your two sisters. Your sisters, Sodom with her daughters and Samaria with her daughters, will become what they were before, and you will become what you were before. Remember the days when you were putting on airs, acting so high and mighty, looking down on sister Sodom? That was before your evil ways were exposed. And now you're the butt of contempt, despised by the Edomite women, the Philistine women, and everybody else around. But you have to face it, to accept the shame of your obscene and vile life. Decree of God, the Master.
59-63 "'God, the Master, says, I'll do to you just as you have already done, you who have treated my oath with contempt and broken the covenant. All the same, I'll remember the covenant I made with you when you were young and I'll make a new covenant with you that will last forever. You'll remember your sorry past and be properly contrite when you receive back your sisters, both the older and the younger. I'll give them to you as daughters, but not as participants in your covenant. I'll firmly establish my covenant with you and you'll know that I am God. You'll remember your past life and face the shame of it, but when I make atonement for you, make everything right after all you've done, it will leave you speechless.'" Decree of God, the Master.; November 21, 2008 2:46 PM
Anonymous said...: Wade and an Oar and a Row

So... there is this boat.
And it is floating along near the shore. And inside the boat I see my little girl. And she is thinking about some of the things we have talked about... And I am giving her some time to think things through.

I am watching so she does not drift too far...

ALL of a sudden, I hear these Sirens and see these lights -- red and white and blue blinking on and off and on and off. Now, I am no ambulance chaser -- but there was no doubt something -- somewhere was near death. The sounds and the lights -- I tell you, I thought at first it was my daughter. I looked. No, she was fine there, in her little boat made by her father -- still with Oars...

I never saw an ambulance -- though there was in deed the sound and the lights. And then I saw two women chasing these lights and sounds. They were "ambulance chasers" except there was no ambulance. Just a bunch of noise.

I walked to the beach with lunch for my daughter. We had planned to talk some more with a picnic...

Down the beach, my daughter's friend seemed to be drifting as well. But, without oars she was not rowing. Still, I could see she was safe. Nevertheless, those loud sounds and flashing lights headed her way. And those ambulance chasers started making waves all around her wee boat. "Whatcha going to do without oars? HU? What would any of us do without oars?!!" Both my daughter and I, now on a blanket beside one another watched up the beach. My daughter's friend stood up in her boat -- suddenly fearful of the sounds and the lights. And when she stood, her little boat began to rock. She lost her balance and fell into the water. It was summer -- it was not deep. And one of the women said, "Be glad you were not in deep! Be glad YOU could wade! Just think what it would be like if we were not here as ambulance chasers offering you some oars!"

My daughter and I could clearly see that her friend was safe before all the craziness. She was in shallow water -- she was thinking... praying... taking her time. But those lights and sounds and those ambulance chasers...

We watched as the two gave her a towel to dry herself and a pair of oars, and the two took her into the city for coffee.

I have often thought about my daughter's friend. No doubt, she was used.

Later, we learned that the ambulance chasers made up a story about her -- said she needed Oars in order to Row or she could have died. The ambulance chasers lied. No one was dying or at risk of dying from what we witnessed. But, the story these ambulance chasers presented... well, you know ambulance chasers.

Isn't there a law about the truth -- the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

Isn't there a law about ambulance chasers?

Isn't it right to present non-fiction? I tell you what, if some ambulance chasers came running up to me telling me MY daughter was in trouble without oars -- I would really question that senerio. Seems the genesis of the stories presented are important when straightening things out, hu?

We see my daughter's friend from time to time -- still a young girl in heart. And she still drifts in her boat from time to time -- still in shallow waters... And she does not use those silly orange plastic oars the ambulance chasers forced in her hands.; November 21, 2008 4:55 PM
Anonymous said...: O man... http://news.aol.com/article/teen-commits-suicide-live-on-web/256594

I am sad today.
WWW is a reflection of man's heart.

Still, Jesus Christ, He loves you.
Still, Jesus Christ, He loves me.
Still, Jesus Christ, He loves us.

Halleluiah
Halleluiah
Halleluiah

Chefs, His Blood is everywhere...; November 22, 2008 1:31 PM
Anonymous said...: Mark on Me...
FullblastRecordings.

safe passage.
"don't make us into idols"

So... what are the mature ones telling you? REMEMBER. DON'T FORGET. Who's WHO?

Lay low and be comforted by the Love of your savior. Read the Bible and forget all that silly stuff about getting too "religious". Jesus is SO not about cool looking seen things. He goes much deeper than that. Okay? So, go to a small church. And ask for a bible if you can't afford one. It is a GREAT history book. And if your and ABC guy... with a few fancy toys you have to pay others to maintain. Count up all "the others" and buy them a Bible... Easy to read. And gift them The Word. And tell them thank-you for their service to you. Look them in the eye -- mean it, man. This "invisibles" might just be in a face you have never paid any mind to because of that dern self-reflection.

Praise the One who's got the whole world in His hands... Praise the One who is waiting so patiently for all his children to hear His call Home. Home is where the heart is. Store you treasures for real in places that can not be stollen or burned by fire. Jesus keeps ALL originals. :)

LOVE
LOVE
LOVE

Bless you.; November 22, 2008 2:12 PM
Anonymous said...: My heart breaks.
Hot... sorry, so sad.
Still.
Yet hope.

Looking Glass ...

This world --
This house of mirrors

Why, why you "fans"?
What are you looking for?
Who are you looking to?
What are you buying?
Why are you buying it?
Why are you using?
Where are you using?

This house of mirrors

Why, why you sellebs?
What are you looking for?
Who are you looking to?
What are you buying?
Why are you selling out?
Who are you using?
Where are you using?

This house of mirrors

Sellebs, do not blame, what you call "your fans", for this or for that. And "fans" do not blame the sellebs for this and for that.
The truth is, you need each other.
It takes thousands to support one selleb. THOUSANDS. And what does the selleb have to give you? THINK. What "support" do you need? What has it cost you in time and money to be "one of the many adoring fans in the crowd"?

Looking Glass -- Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)

(dooda-dit-dooda), (dit-dooda-dit-dooda)

There's a port on a western bay
And it serves a hundred ships a day
Lonely sailors pass the time away
And talk about their homes

And there's a girl in this harbor town
And she works layin' whiskey down
They say "Brandy, fetch another round"
She serves them whiskey and wine

The sailors say "Brandy, you're a fine girl" (you're a fine girl)
"What a good wife you would be" (such a fine girl)
"Yeah your eyes could steal a sailor from the sea"
(dooda-dit-dooda), (dit-dooda-dit-dooda-dit)

Brandy wears a braided chain
Made of finest silver from the North of Spain
A locket that bears the name
Of the man that Brandy loves

He came on a summer's day
Bringin' gifts from far away
But he made it clear he couldn't stay
No harbor was his home

The sailor said " Brandy, you're a fine girl" (you're a fine girl)
"What a good wife you would be" (such a fine girl)
"But my life, my lover, my lady is the sea"

(dooda-dit-dooda), (dit-dooda-dit-dooda-dit)

Yeah, Brandy used to watch his eyes
When he told his sailor stories
She could feel the ocean foam rise
She saw its ragin' glory
But he had always told the truth, lord, he was an honest man
And Brandy does her best to understand
(dooda-dit-dooda), (dit-dooda-dit-dooda-dit)

At night when the bars close down
Brandy walks through a silent town
And loves a man who's not around
She still can hear him say...

She hears him say " Brandy, you're a fine girl" (you're a fine girl)
"What a good wife you would be" (such a fine girl)
"But my life, my lover, my lady is the sea"
(dooda-dit-dooda), (dit-dooda-dit-dooda-dit)

"Brandy, you're a fine girl" (you're a fine girl)

[FADE]

"What a good wife you would be" (such a fine girl)
"But my life, my lover, my lady is the sea"

And The See Saw...

"I think this is my year because I've decided that I'm going to go with the flow in my life. The purpose of my life is music. It's my responsibility to give the fans something they've been waiting for, something they deserve."

.
.
.
sad
sad
sad
.
.
.

What really have the fans been "waiting for"? "What really do the fans "deserve"?

. . . sad, sad, sad . . .

No kidding
No joke
For real...; November 22, 2008 4:17 PM
Anonymous said...: Trampz make me sadz too.; November 22, 2008 4:54 PM
Anonymous said...: Teen 'Buddha' Returns to JungleBy BINAJ GURUBACHARYA, AP
posted: 2 HOURS 6 MINUTES AGOcomments: 55filed under: World NewsPrintShareText SizeAAAKATMANDU, Nepal (Nov. 22) - RE: "A Nepalese teenager revered by many as a reincarnation of Buddha has returned to the jungle to meditate after emerging for less than two weeks, officials said Saturday.
Ram Bahadur Bamjan, 18, reappeared on Nov. 10 after several months of meditation to bless thousands of his followers, speaking to them on at least two occasions."

Do not look to the east or the west -- to something seen -- Hey, there he is.. over here or over there. Many false Christs come in the name of God. Listen, think... what does this do in time?

Think it through...
who needs who?; November 22, 2008 5:02 PM
danielletbd said...: I hope wherever you go and whatever you do, you never stop writing. Your words are beautiful, poetic, inspiring, and most importantly real, but even if you never share any of them with us again, it will be enough for you to put them down on paper. It's the one safe way I've learned to take control of things when everything around me feels like it's spinning and spiraling out of control. Even if all you write is a daily log of your activities, it helps just to express yourself. Or at least it's always helped me. And reading your book, and then these entries over the past few months, I feel like it help you, too, because you and I don't seem all that different.

So many times I wanted to add a comment to your entry, but there were always so many I figured mine would just get buried anyway, so I didn't. Now that you're taking this down, I'm sad not to be able to read your words anymore, but I'm also sad I never bothered to post those comments anyway. Even if only to say hi.

So hi. And good luck with everything in Portland. I think you have it right, getting out of LA.; November 22, 2008 5:43 PM
Anonymous said...: Yes.

And to remember is the same as do not forget. You know this is more than "a trip". Remember the Hand that rescued youz. Remember the Hand that carefully knit youz in your mother's womb. Remember Our History -- The Promise. Do not forget the cold, dark presence -- that shadow... A comfort that shakes us to our marrow. And brings us to our knees. A comfort we have never known before... Holy fear. "fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom." A fire so hot and an iceland so cold. God's Love moves us. Words never get lost. No... they're hidden away -- True Words, in places not seen -- heart-treasures. To Live True is difficult in a world made of lies. But The Truth sets us free. And The Truth is not our own perception of "reality". It is what it is. ... Truth is One.

I thought I was going to write a book this winter. I cry now just thinking about how things turned out. The Love of God is Good. He LOVES us!

But, I want to tell you, it was called, "Walk Me Halfway Home." And... it is about good friends. Children, you know? And how it seems impossible to say goodbye at the end of the day? No one wants to walk home alone, or see the other walk home alone. So... together, they walk one another "half way" to the telephone pole -- where the sidewalk curves just a little. And on a count of three, one turns to the west, where the sun sets, and the other to the east where the sun rises...

And the two run home. Both friend endure the night... both sleep.

And then, a "wanna play" is another kind of call... You know where to find me. I am your friend... And, A Friend is a Friend Forever When The Lord is the LORD of Them... And a Friend will not say 'never' because the welcome does not end. Though it's hard to let you go, in the Father's Hands, we know... A lifetime is not too long to Live as Friends."

WOW... What a Wonder.
In your weakness, you are strong.
No need to "stay strong".
Blessed be...
Do not doubt, 'it' is He.

LOVE
LOVE
LOVE

"Look what they've done to my song, ma."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHF-iApfWis&feature=related

At home, after a time away, if you do not remember what you are not to forget, read... Please, read our history and ask sincerely, "Where do I belong in the Book of Life?"; November 22, 2008 7:25 PM
Anonymous said...: Hi.

"I just got off the phone.
WarnBro Austalia..."

"Isn't that Hillsong thing
Down under?"

"Seems they're selling
More than songs..."

"Now some things called jeans?"

"Gloria Jeans... no it is coffee"

"Coffee?"

"Yes... all over Australia."

"WOW... no wonder they're not getting a rest."

"Hey!
I don't know... I saw something on American TV. This film production... images of people raising their hands to God in praises, I guess. And Hillsongs was selling there too."

"Was it real?"

"Was what real?"

"I guess so..."

"What would it be like? To sell something real and intimate as an image for promotion?"

"Promotion for what?"

"That's a good question."

"Land?"

"Are you talking to me?"

"Did you sell anything for promotion?"

"No... I just like growing things."

"Did you get any credit?"

"A long time ago..."

"You have not been forgotten Land."

"Keep still. How are you doing?"

"Better. Seems I have found a few earth worms. Seems that their poo is good for me."

"Company?"

"Yes... They have some room now, they say. So, that is good. And I feel a little better about waiting."

"Still. I am pleased with your patients, Land."

"I am less anxious about things."

"Good..."

"I heard something from a few of the worms. I am not sure if it is true."

"What did you hear?"

"Well, first... I am starting to love these worms. But they do have a way about them. A curious creation. They can be cut in half and grow back again. If they lose their head, it can grow back again.
So I am not sure if what I heard came from one with the head cut off."

"Okay."

"One said that the donkey who ran away with the spoon..."

"The president of the United States?"

"Yes."

"From the underground, they ask if an elephant of a donkey has to be born in the US to be a commander and chief. They ask if it is rule."

"And..."

"Well, is it a rule?"

"I am not political, Land. I do not know. Are you starting to get political?"

"Well, no. But I will tell you, these worms sure like to ask questions. It's not like they want, need or could even use any answers. I guess it was what worms do?"

"Thank-you Land. You are loved."

"Yes. I am starting to understand rest. It feels nice... REAL nice."

"Good. Very Good. Keep resting. It is your time to rest."

"I am getting dark, like coffee..."

"Yes, you are. But you are not all jacked up, the way coffee effects some people, are you?"

"No. I belong. And that make me peaceful."

"You are loved."

"I remember now what I had forgotten. I know I am loved.
Thank-you for digging and doing the separation of good and not so good in me."

"You are so welcome... It's good to rest. Let us know if those worms get too excited..."

"It's not like they can get too excited. They just makes tunnels and in the process ask a lot of questions. I just listen."

Okay.
I LOVE YOU...
Good night.

Be still...; November 23, 2008 12:33 AM
charissa. said...: yr fucking amazing.
thats all i can really say.; November 23, 2008 9:29 AM
melanie said...: hey nic,

i know im probly totally late with writing you a msg, and you probly wont read it either but im going to write it anyway.

I just wanna let you know how much of an amazing writer you are and for you to put yourself out there and writing everything about yourself for the world to read is so brave.

Now you not only have your family and friends sticking behind you to recover but also everyone in the world who has read your book too :)

keep writing, and i'll keep reading :)

stay well,
Melanie; November 23, 2008 12:16 PM
Anonymous said...: More About Those Worms...

After speaking with Land, we looked into what Land was hearing.
It is clear that worms do not have access to the donkey or the spoon. With no eyes, the can't see the way most see.

It appears that the northern sister may know a little more than was originally thought?
FYI and a confirmation that Land has communicated what Land has heard from the worms is the following:
"Baraka Hussien Obama, Junior is not legally a US natural-born citizen according to the law on the books at the time of his birth; a law that was in effect between December 24, 1952 and November 13, 1986, when the law was changed.

However, the new law did not preempt the former law in the cases of those born between the above listed dates when the old law was in effect.

Therefore, Senator Obama may very well be disqualified as the Democratic candidate in the upcoming Presidential campaign.

Presidential office requires the person elected to be a natural-born United States citizen if the child was not born to two US citizen parents.

US Law very clearly stipulates: “If only one parent was a US citizen at the time of your birth, that parent must have resided in the United States for at least ten years, at least five of which had to be after the age of 16.”

Barack Obama’s father was not a US citizen, and Obama’s mother was only 18 when he was born, which means although she had been a US citizen for 10 years, his mother fails the test for being so for at least 5 years prior to Barack Obama’s birth.

In order for her child to have been a natural-born US citizen, his mother would have had to be 21 at the time of his birth.

In essence, Mrs. Obama was not old enough to qualify her son for automatic US citizenship.

His mother would have needed to have been 16+5 = 21 years old at the time of Barack Obama’s birth for him to have been a natural-born citizen.

Barack Obama instead should have been naturalized, but even then, that would still disqualify him from holding the office of President under current law.

At best, Barack Obama is only a naturalized US citizen.

This is an issue that must be clarified before the election.

Naturalized citizens are ineligible to hold the office of President as is the case with Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Law and order demand that we follow our election laws regardless of popularity of candidates.

Here comes the Supreme Court again!"

So... why the law?
Why do we need the law?
History Book will give The Reason.; November 23, 2008 3:20 PM
Anonymous said...: Sweet baby girl:

I hold you in my arms.
Tiny newborn.
You can't get out of my arms
You don't want to -- but if you did
You couldn't anyway...

You can't pull away...
You purse you little lips
Like a tight grandma kiss.
Still, the hints of
Failure to thrive...
You do not know it is

Pure spiritual milk you crave.

And were are so many bottles
Out there
Formulas...
Canned hands have paid the price
For your plastic bottles
The cupboards are stacked...
White plastic scoops
For white powder-formula.
And a nanny hired
To prop your bottle...
So you can be fed.

But you would not open
Your wee mouth, sweet baby...

We heard your cry.
There is another way.

Pure spiritual milk you crave.

So we go into our quiet room
In the wee hours of the morning
Every three hours or when you need
Between sleeps...
And offer you milk that is pure
And it flows for you
Sweet, warm, protected are you
In my arms...
Clean, baby love smells True.

But your mouth is still too tight
Relax my little one...
Shhhhh -- this is for you.
Our private time.

We know why you are here.
We know why you are tight in your
Newborn body... tight and anxious
Ever nerve was on fire when you Were Born...

But it is not your fault, wee one.
You mother could not stop using
While you grew in her womb

Pure spiritual milk you crave.

And your cry has been heard.
Pure spiritual milk you crave.

And your cry has been heard...
You are so small...
In the eyes of your loving Father.
No matter what you look
like on the outside, He sees you
And has provided for you pure Spiritual milk...

Getting off the drugs you were
Subjected to, takes time.
So many nurses witnessed your
Body shake as you went through
Withdrawals...
As soon as you were born.
And as you know, for a time
So you would not die -- and
You would not suffer from shock
The doctors had to give you
Needles of Methadone ...

Pure spiritual milk you crave.

Even in the hospital,
You did not like the formula.
And so you would not die,
A tube was put down your nose
Into you tummy
And taped to you precious
Soft cheek...
And the nurses fed you formula.

Pure spiritual milk you crave.

Your cry was heard.

So now...
You're off the Methadone...
Your tiny new born body
Does not shake anymore.
But your mouth is still tight.

Wee one, this is when faith
Must come from you...
You have no reason to trust.
No experience so far has been
Pure...

Pure spiritual milk you crave.
Your cry was heard.

So, we sit together in a room
Just us...
And it is quiet
Because you need this
And the lights are low
Because you need this
And the blanket is wrapped
Round your tiny body
So you learn what it is to be warm
Covered and Safe.

And I will teach you how to nurse.
I will teach you how to recognize The smell of pure milk.
I will not give you the plastic
I will not hire a pretend mother
Pure spiritual milk you crave.

Your cry was heard...
Pure spiritual milk you crave.

Your cry was heard...

You... you know who you are.
Have cried for pure spiritual milk.
And your cry was heard.
You are not too big for your diapers.

Rest now sweet one
And learn what it is
To have a "good latch"

LOVE
LOVE
LOVE; November 23, 2008 4:16 PM
enigma said...: Nic,

I've been at my brother's the past week and staying until "the end." We have been to 3 different AA meetings and his home meeting also, since I've been here. I understand now why you said you "weren't feeling" the meetings you went to. Amazing how different they are even though they are all the same. I am a "normie" but have learned a lot from the meetings. Hope you find a good one for you in the Portland area.; November 23, 2008 8:51 PM
Anonymous said...: Dear Ones:

This is the end. I believe with all my heart, all my mind and all my strength, that God, the Author and refiner and Finisher of our faith in LOVE. His Love is found in Truth -- The Way of True Seekers. I tell my children, if you know what "love ain't" you are facing the right direction to find what Love is...

The Mystery is Jesus Christ. He has been revealed... The beginning, middle and end.

I watched a movie the other day called The Visitor. At the end of the movie, I felt left asking, "What happens next." The Truth is, some know, some do not. Who's who remains to be seen.

The encouragment is to crave pure spiritual milk. Pure means pure. And it is available to all who ask and continue to seek with good heart and motive. So much was offered in this site... but it is only "a taste".

No one like to be told the truth. One way or the other one will know the truth. It has nothing to do with "religion". As it was written, Jesus Christ is not about "religion". We so like to make things "seen". What is given to us as pure spiritual milk, often is made into formulas so we can share it with others. The only real way to share is eye to eye, face to face. In emergencies -- hey, we color outside the lines. And... we pray for Grace and Mercy, knowing the Love of our God is enough -- His grace sufficient. Our movtives must be pure. For one who has been abused by exploitations of any kind, one may have a had time understanding "bounderies". There is only one place to lay down our "crap" and it is not for WWW. It is for the cross. So, "the breast of God through the Living Word, who is Jesus Christ has for you "pure spiritual milk". In His name, we pray:

1 Peter 2

"1Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. 2Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, 3now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.

The Living Stone and a Chosen People

4As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him— 5you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 6For in Scripture it says:
"See, I lay a stone in Zion,
a chosen and precious cornerstone,
and the one who trusts in him
will never be put to shame."[a] 7Now to you who believe, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe,
"The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone,[b]"[c] 8and,
"A stone that causes men to stumble
and a rock that makes them fall."[d] They stumble because they disobey the message—which is also what they were destined for.
9But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 10Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

11Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. 12Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us."

Submission to Rulers and Masters

13Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, 14or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. 15For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. 16Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. 17Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.

Today we are safe only when we understand the nature of things and the heart of man. Though we like to know we are all the same in sin -- and for some reason -- for a time, it might make us feel better -- but it is not Love. It is "what love ain'" No greater love is this, that a man lay down his life for a friend. In seen and unseen places, the faithful have laid down their lives for the Gospel. God is The True Artist and Creator. And He is able to see the big picture -- how and where we are... There are many in God's Holy Church who would lay down their lives if it meant that others see Jesus -- come to know Him. No Question. Is it necessary? It may or may not be based on rebellion... Today I learned that "smack water Jack shot down a congregation in a little blue church." Why? The man said, "I came to take my wife". The blood of the prophets has been spilled over and over again -- for thousands of years. This is not new. And again, because we see something for the first time, does not make it new. We must be familiar with our history.

There is a place called, "prayer closet". It is not on the internet. It is not a part of the "collective christ consciousness" or the "universe within". It is child to Father -- Friend to friend -- Author to learn-to-write-letters-children -- Sinner to savior. And out of the closet, there are REAL Christians walking around. The do not "dress the part". And many of these have, like enigma, "stayed to the end". The mature followers are not easy to find, so pray that God will lead you safe. And seek sacturary.

In closing, I want to thank the ones who walking in faith... Who were not afraid of some silly wild goose chase. And I want to remind you that what you see, is what you get. "...be careful what you wish for, because you might just get it all -- you might just get it all..." Wishes are not the same as prayers. Prayer affects the whole... True Followers will risk everything to see one come into the saving grace of Jesus Christ if Christ Himself has called them.

So, in the name of Jesus, my brother, my love, my savior my Life, I am prayerful for the community where a gun was used to shoot the congregation. "You can't talk to a man with a shot gun in his hands..."

CLIFTON, N.J. (Nov. 23) – A gunman entered a northern New Jersey church during Sunday services and shot three people in the vestibule, killing his estranged wife and injuring the other two before fleeing, authorities said.

'I Came to Take My Wife'

Tim Larsen, AP
A gunman opened fire during church services in Clifton, N.J., Sunday, killing his estranged wife and injuring two others, police said. The suspect, 27-year-old Joseph "Sanish" Pallipurath, of Sacramento, Calif., was still being sought by police as of Sunday evening. Above, authorities gather outside the church.
(Note: Please disable your pop-up blocker)
Police were searching for 27-year-old Joseph M. Pallipurath of Sacramento, Calif., after the shooting at St. Thomas Syrian Orthodox Knanaya Church in Clifton. He was last seen driving a green Jeep Wrangler, police said.
Detective Capt. Robert Rowan told The Star-Ledger of Newark that the victim, 24-year-old Reshma James, had recently moved from California to escape an abusive marriage and had filed a restraining order against Pallipurath.
When he came to into the church, Pallipurath said "I came to take my wife," a witness told The Star-Ledger. Authorities believe he acted alone.
About 200 people were attending services in the sanctuary of the church, whose members are mostly first-generation Indian immigrants and their children.
All three victims were shot in the head, Rowan said. The other two victims, a 47-year-old woman and 23-year-old man, were in critical condition, he told the newspaper.
A spokeswoman for St. Joseph's Medical in Paterson, where the victims were being treated, declined to comment on their conditions.

When the captives are set free... there is a kind of affect we have NOTHING to do with. We seek wisdom from God. Invisible now for a wonderful and glorious reason. We are a faithful people. We walk on...

So... friend, I am here.
You can call me anytime.
I would love to chat...
I think you just might like me.
And as for you?
I might like you too.
I would stop you one the street
And I hope you two would has well.
If nothing else, to say hi.

A line from one of my favorite movies... or ya, Terms of Endurement. Debbra Winger character is at he counter... right? And she does not have enough money to pay... and the lady behined the counter huffs... Looks at the growing line. Winger takes things off -- then puts things back on to her account -- just not knowing what to buy and what not to buy with her funds. And she looks at the woman behind the counter and says, )AND I LOVE THIS) "We're all just people, you know?"

In LOVE
LOVE
LOVE
LOVE

m

Over and Out...; November 24, 2008 2:43 AM
Jacquelyna said...: Glad you're going back to school Nic. I love and will miss your writing, you're very inspirational. I'm starting school in January to be a drug counselor and will recommend Tweek and Beautiful Boy to those I meet and try to help. Been there, done that, moving on. Take Care Nic, be safe.; November 24, 2008 5:00 PM
Anonymous said...: Congratulations on the nomination for the Original Voices Awards.

It must be nice to feel that recognition.

Hope you are well.; November 25, 2008 1:19 AM
Anonymous said...: What is called "VOICE"

Definition: Voice has two meanings as it concerns creative writers:
Voice is the author's style, the quality that makes his or her writing unique, and which conveys the author's attitude, personality, and character; or
Voice is the characteristic speech and thought patterns of a first-person narrator; a persona.

Because voice has so much to do with the reader's experience of a work of literature, it is one of the most important elements of a piece of writing.

Also Known As: persona
Examples: Young writers are often urged to find their own voice in fiction, but many teachers believe that voice is something that emerges naturally as a writer develops.

Lets think this through. What is it to be "recognised" and what "original" and what is "voice"...

On this path, we might find something here and there to question.... ponder.

Ive had "heard" some "voices" that are "original". And, in fact, it is true, that we all have an "original" voice. Our Father is good to recognise and hear His children... "He keeps all His Originals" and when He finds one who finds him or herself seeking a way Home -- Oh, be sure, He goes out looking. Leaving the "the many" to find one. (And that is not just me...)

The "reward" is great when we are "recognised" by our True Family... and we "recongnise" too. It is like The Light goes on!

There is only One who can determine the origin of originality of our heart. The Truth expressed. We all can have it. And knowing this is our GREATEST award.

So... we get a picture of what this is in what our world's system offers. The difference is, what we offer ourselves does not usually last or grow eternal.

For example, today, the paintings if the masters are admired greatly. We get excited going into museums to see the original works of Vincent... But what about the man? What was/is his heart worth to HIS Creator -- The One and Only Lover of His soul?

Family...; November 25, 2008 7:31 PM
Anonymous said...: I spelled recognize with an s; But the True Spelling is z before the e. . For clearity, hear you go...

What is called "VOICE"

Definition: Voice has two meanings as it concerns creative writers:
Voice is the author's style, the quality that makes his or her writing unique, and which conveys the author's attitude, personality, and character; or
Voice is the characteristic speech and thought patterns of a first-person narrator; a persona.

Because voice has so much to do with the reader's experience of a work of literature, it is one of the most important elements of a piece of writing.

Also Known As: persona
Examples: Young writers are often urged to find their own voice in fiction, but many teachers believe that voice is something that emerges naturally as a writer develops.

Let’s think this through. What is it to be recognized and what is "original" and what is "voice"...

On this path, we might find something here and there to question.... ponder. It is good the ask questions.

I've "heard" some "voices" that are "original". And, in fact, it is true, that we all have an "original" voice. (Most of us hide from it.) Our Father is good to recognize and hear His children... "He keeps all His Originals" and when He sees one who finds him or herself seeking a way Home -- Oh, be sure, He goes out looking like a desperate mother! With a heart that seems to have left the "the many" to find just one if need be. (And that is not just me...)

The "reward" is great when we are recognized by our True Family... and we "recognize" too. Deep... a treasure for unseen places. :) It is like The Light goes on!

There is only One who can determine the origin of originality of our heart. The Truth expressed. We all can have it. And knowing this is our GREATEST award.

So... we get a picture of what this is in what our culture offers. A print, or a copy of what God has for us eternal.

For example, today, the paintings if the masters are admired greatly. We get excited going into museums to see the original works of Vincent... but what about the man? What was/is his heart worth to HIS Creator -- The One and Only Lover of His soul?

Like David Sheff said about the movies... "It is the best this world has to offer."

Family...; November 25, 2008 7:56 PM
Anonymous said...: Hear, here is something to learn more about "voice".
http://grammar.about.com/b/2008/01/28/trust-the-voice.htm

I believe that some of the content in Tweak should in no way be read by "young readers". My daughter will be 14 this year. I would not allow her to read Tweak. Her mind is not at all familiar with such "voice(s)" nor the content. However, is it true that there are 14 year old's in our culture who are familiar with the content and the "voice(s)"? Yes. However, based on Tweak, it appears that during the time the author graphically details horrible, pysical, emotional and spiritual self-abusive experiences that later, as he healed, left this dear one, literally, throwing up due to the horror of the hellish soul and heart pain of these experiences. The narrator, does not communicate to the reader that he was doing any kind of reading...

Therefore, I believe it is more of an adult book (over 18 or 21 if we were talking about a movie -- as some of the content is R and X rated. Therfore, the audience that would better understand are parents dealing with the subject, and specialists of multiple disciplines... (But of course, it might not sell as many copies).

So... if Tweak is going to be a help to our sick-soul culture, it is important for the publishers to examine the reality of "the ear" of the "audience".

It has been written that Tweak is "raw". No. Tweak is a man "undone". Tweak exposes many young readers who's mind and heart are in no way familiar with this kind of soul and heart torcher; and "the voice(s)" that go along with such experiences. Even some very sheltered adults are unable to "stomach" the content and the voice(s)".

I read somewhere that the editor of Tweak said this was the 21st century of the 70's "Go Ask Alice". Knowing the author, I am sick by THIS "voice". No "editor" I don't think so! (No, I KNOW SO!) Such a comment reveals "a voice" that is shallow and thoughtless... and exploitive. Why? The following is a little info on "Go Ask Alice".

It is "a diary" by "anonymous" as non-fiction. A teen's life in high school as "Alice" goes experiences the darkness of being lost and seeking "a release" in the culture including drugs.

"...When she returns home she vows to stay completely off drugs, and succeeds, even without the support of Chris who has now moved away. However, she is again ostracized by her former friends, who continue to label her a police informant, and is ignored by the "square" kids. While babysitting, Alice is drugged without her knowledge. She has a violent, bad trip, during which a neighbor locks her in the closet, where she badly injures herself trying to claw her way out, and she is committed to a psychiatric hospital. After being released, she returns home, finally happy and over her drug addiction. She starts a new romance with a student, Joel, at her father's university. She gets her life back on track and finally makes the decision to stop keeping a diary.

** An editorial note informs readers that three weeks after the last entry, the diarist died of an overdose. Although it is unclear whether Alice's overdose was accidental or premeditated, or what drug or drugs specifically prompted her death, the key issue is that this girl -- whose life the reader has followed in intimate detail -- was just one of the thousands who died because of drugs that year.

[edit] Authorship
Go Ask Alice was originally promoted as nonfiction and was published under the byline "Anonymous."

However, not long after its publication, Beatrice Sparks, a psychologist and Mormon youth counselor, began making media appearances promoting herself as the book's editor. Searches at the U.S. Copyright Office[1] show that Sparks is the sole copyright holder for Go Ask Alice. Furthermore, she is listed on the copyright record as the book's author — not as the editor, compiler, or executor, which would be more usual for someone publishing the diary of a deceased person. (According to the book itself, the sole copyright is owned by Prentice-Hall)

In an October 1979 interview with Aileen Pace Nilsen for School Library Journal, Sparks claimed that Go Ask Alice had been based on the diary of one of her patients, but that she had added various fictional incidents based on her experiences working with other troubled teens. She said the real "Alice" had not died of a drug overdose, but in a way that could have been either an accident or suicide. She also stated that she could not produce the original diary, because she had destroyed part of it after transcribing it and the rest was locked away in the publisher's vault..."

Tweak is not an "anonymous" author. Tweak in NO WAY compares to Go Ask Alice! I am very angry when I think about the "behind the scenes" of the motives of the editor of Tweak. (I get physically sick) In no way should the author of Tweak be somehow "awarded" for "original voice" without a sincere understanding that the author was and is in the process of "maturing" into True Voice.

"Original Voice" should not be misunderstood with a tender soul in one moment in time being "undone".

No doubt, ALL READERS , in fact, the entire world would be up for an award for "original voice" if we were literally "under the gun" of a deadline with "projective sales" hanging over our head, right in the middle of a deadly relaps.
Under the circumstances, I am sure we would all speak, write, and hear our "Original Voice".

No award -- "in this world" and no amount of "myspace fans" and no amount of money should stick itself on the author of Tweak. The honest to God Truth is that this world's awards and all "the fans" should stick themsleves right onto the editor of Tweak. Now this gal "deserves it".

If we're going to give credit where credit is due, she is the one who proposed "the deal" to the author and promoted Tweak for her own gain.

Track her down and crown her queen.
The writer under the dead-line gun is simply, man undone... images of spiritual and emotional truths of a once sad, sick, lost heart and soul.; November 25, 2008 9:53 PM
Anonymous said...: hi uh i just finished your book and am sad to see your stopping your blog. i wanted to perhaps comment you or somthing..im slowly becoming addicted to cocaine.; November 26, 2008 3:43 AM
Anonymous said...: uh... just accept The Word "no". Go to your primary care physicain, ask for help. If you have about 18hours, read the whole site and allow yourself to go deep and ask yourself why you or anyone uses... (drugs being one of many abuses)and uh... addresses some of the healing process.

four months of using is given a great deal of insight into man's experience of addiction, however, there are only a few pages that are written about the very intense healing process which was, in the end four months of inhouse treatment.

The sick, sad, soul of man tends to run from from self to seek a release by saying "yes" to him/herself in the name of feeling better, to use, be used, buy, sell ro be sold to external or internal poisons. Your need is to excape (or run) is based on getting away from the "down-time-of-Truth". (eg your poison of choice). The fact that you wrote on this site, shows you have an internal gut that is telling you, you need to get a life. Seek it. I am joyful and thankful that "New Dawn Transmission" as lead many to "live it". Friends and Family have been cultivated like rich clean soil during this real-time significant trial. If you decide to say no more using, expect trials. Expect hard lessons when you go deep. You have a choice to continue to use or not.

Posting what you did here is like saying, "hey! I feel the need to get high ALL THE TIME" -- slowly it is coming and I need help. YOU KNOW WHO TO CALL. So, if you want, turn around and "fastly" make a U turn. Even if you do not believe in God, call His name, and in faith, listen and watch for "safe passages" and continue to speak the truth as you get out while the "getting is good".

And, think. Be a wee bit wise. This site is now, not openely and honestly set up to help treat addicts or people who are "slowly becoming addicted". There are other places with REAL faces, REAL names and REAL love and support.

With the same energy you have to track down users and poison in order to use... learn to track down safe passages to NOT use.

Sincerely, I know...
Home is where the Heart is.; November 26, 2008 8:11 AM
Anonymous said...: hi... hu, No...
Fully and completely aware.
Far from "high".
Not going there
Ready to delete behind
What goes on "behind the curtain".
U have reason to hide?; November 26, 2008 8:17 AM
Anonymous said...: Next creative writing assignment...
From the would "split". That just appeard above the "word verification" screen with a wheel chair symbol to the right...

Listen, I am the slowest one of all. If I "get it" realize how many don't... In the name of loving Disneyland, I am sorry, it's just not enough anymore.; November 26, 2008 8:20 AM
Anonymous said...: Matthew 10 (New International Version)

Matthew 10
Jesus Sends Out the Twelve

1He called his twelve disciples to him and gave them authority to drive out evil[a] spirits and to heal every disease and sickness.
2These are the names of the twelve apostles: first, Simon (who is called Peter) and his brother Andrew; James son of Zebedee, and his brother John; 3Philip and Bartholomew; Thomas and Matthew the tax collector; James son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus; 4Simon the Zealot and Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him.

5These twelve Jesus sent out with the following instructions: "Do not go among the Gentiles or enter any town of the Samaritans. 6Go rather to the lost sheep of Israel. 7As you go, preach this message: 'The kingdom of heaven is near.' 8Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy,[b]drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give. 9Do not take along any gold or silver or copper in your belts; 10take no bag for the journey, or extra tunic, or sandals or a staff; for the worker is worth his keep.

11"Whatever town or village you enter, search for some worthy person there and stay at his house until you leave. 12As you enter the home, give it your greeting. 13If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. 14If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town. 15I tell you the truth, it will be more bearable for Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for that town. 16I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.

17"Be on your guard against men; they will hand you over to the local councils and flog you in their synagogues. 18On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles. 19But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, 20for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.
21"Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. 22All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. 23When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another. I tell you the truth, you will not finish going through the cities of Israel before the Son of Man comes.
24"A student is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. 25It is enough for the student to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master. If the head of the house has been called Beelzebub,[c] how much more the members of his household!
26"So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. 27What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. 28Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29Are not two sparrows sold for a penny[d]? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. 30And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

32"Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. 33But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven.

34"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35For I have come to turn
" 'a man against his father,
a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her motherinlaw—
36a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.'[e]
37"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; 38and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

40"He who receives you receives me, and he who receives me receives the one who sent me. 41Anyone who receives a prophet because he is a prophet will receive a prophet's reward, and anyone who receives a righteous man because he is a righteous man will receive a righteous man's reward. 42And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward."

Hebrews 12
God Disciplines His Sons

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:

"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."[a]

7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

12Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13"Make level paths for your feet,"[b] so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.
Warning Against Refusing God
14Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. 16See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. 17Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. He could bring about no change of mind, though he sought the blessing with tears.
18You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; 19to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, 20because they could not bear what was commanded: "If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned."[c] 21The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, "I am trembling with fear."[d]
22But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, 23to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, 24to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.

25See to it that you do not refuse him who speaks. If they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, how much less will we, if we turn away from him who warns us from heaven? 26At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, "Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens."[e] 27The words "once more" indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain.
28Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, 29for our "God is a consuming fire."[f]

"Why don't you look into Jesus. He's go the Answers..."

More later.

"Hey, Land"
"Yes... YES, YES, YES! WHAT?"
"Just checking. How are you doing?"
"Still laying low. The worms are taking a rest -- seems they're not asking so many questions but they sure do like to dig tunnels."
"That's good for you Land."
"Why? It sometime tickels..."
"Because not only is their poo good for you, but they keep you loose and provide clean air for your soil. Are you still wondering what your are supposed to grow?"
"No. Not so much?"
"What has changed?"
"Peace? Maybe peace... the cloud.
And I can cried so many tears about so much... well, when the sorrow comes, and I think I am going to do the big cry again. I start and the suddenly, it just stops. I don't even need KleenX anymore. It's like I am the KleenX... but it is just us..."
"Okay, Land."
"Okay?"
"Okay."
"How is The Artist doing?"
"You know..."
Land smiled.; November 26, 2008 8:37 AM
Anonymous said...: And The Bride said...
"Hey Bride?
What are you doing?"
"Cleaning... making meals, raising money, feeding the babies..."
"Don't forget to give out the invitiations! EVERYONE gets an invitiation."

"Got them right here! You do know some are taking a look at this gold wax seal with no return address and chucking it like junk mail."

"We knew there would be people who found all calls of reasons not to attend. We did... But my eyes twinkle, my beloved when I think of all those who might... Oh... those who might!"

"Some think it is not real -- that we would invite EVERYONE."

"Okay... I will help with that. But in the end,our invited guests just trade this "yes" for the other... It's okay. Just invite everyone!"

"Do I have to be 'here'."
"No... invitations have been and are going out everywhere and have been for thousands of years..."

"Who was that, my Love?"
"I am not sure... there a quite a few lookie-loos on the beach. One foot on land, the other in the water."
"There is a dress-code..."
"Did we write it on the invitiation?"
"PLEASE! THE REASON implores the need..."; November 26, 2008 8:56 AM
Anonymous said...: Here is something to see and hear.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TliWDSLrYb8

This guy is dead too.
Heart-hurt...
Seems that there is a movie
That is being made
About "his life".
Seems Stonehill has judged
His private ways...
Seems some folks don't understand why some doors are closed.
How wonderful is it that you now feel "free" to express your "insights" when he is not "here". SPIT!

Looks like Stonehill is participating in a movie deal --
Writing songs and getting a paycheck off L.Norman's death.
And others too...

I ask this, guys...
There is PLENTY of money to go around. Volunteering your time?
You really think all this 'running' has got you anywhere different?

Stonehill, you say, "keep me running from the sins I can't erase..." A real money maker, hu? If it was then, maybe now too? Where is the Truth in the lyrics? Let's see... Did Paul run from his past? Where exactly have you been running? Who is in charge of YOUR story? Do you think it is YOUR responsibility to "erase" your own "sin"? It appears so based on the fact that you sing, "Keep ME running from the sin i can't erase."

From what point of view are these lyrics written? Tell us, how far you need to run before your track meets up with you again?

I wonder how Larry feels about this movie deal? Do you think any of you are going to shed some light on His Life to this generation? Who's "life" are you really promoting, guys? Gotta love LA, hu? Get Real...

Writing songs for th

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TliWDSLrYb8; November 26, 2008 10:22 AM
Anonymous said...: "subjec"

Good night!
"If the shoe fits"; November 26, 2008 10:23 AM
Anonymous said...: "fards"
(left handed in red) Borrring!

It's all free to seekers. No need for anyone to pay for tickets or recordings. Seekers can find whatever for free on "youtube".; November 26, 2008 10:29 AM
Anonymous said...: For Romania and "Ramona"...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnrPgHa8UDM

Our Redeemer...
Recess... then
Story Time Next...; November 26, 2008 10:52 AM
Anonymous said...: The Heart of a Mother

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xiRDsD18W4&feature=related

“…that’s what my mind says – I wish someone would explain it to my heart…

I could not leave my child – I just sat there and kept on pushing the way I’ve always done…

“… When we learned there was no hope, we turned off the machines... And I held her hand… ther was no noise...

...just peace.

Oh God. I realize as a woman how lucky I am. I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out – it was the most precious moment of my life.”

"I’m fine! I’m fine! I’m fine! I AM FINE!
I can jog all the way to Texas and back – but my daughter can’t… she never could!
Oh, god – I am so mad I don’t know what to do!!
I want to know why her life is over!
I want to know why – I WANT TO KNOW WHY! I want to know if that baby will ever know how wonderful his mother was… Will he ever know what his mother went through for him? O God, I want to know! LORD, I wish I could understand… WHYYYYY? WHY!

No… NO! It is not supposed to happen this way, I’m supposed to go first, I‘ve always been ready to go first… I don’t think I can take this – I just want to hit someone until they feel as bad as I do … I want to hit something hard…”

For over 2000 years she "tried". And it was something else... a sickness? She had to deal with so many who kept wanting to use in her family. Sometimes, she would say, "no". Other times, "yes". And she always would get so tired and then she would need to be revived. Revived...

But there came a time, when, for the sake of Life -- the life of her son... she sacrificed her own body.

The above are the words...
"laughter through tears" one says, "is my favorite emotion".

Listen.
Story time tomorrow.
LOVE

Think now...
Based on history...
WHO is "she"?; November 26, 2008 6:02 PM
Anonymous said...: Learning...
From Hebrew TV.; November 26, 2008 11:58 PM
Anonymous said...: I hate what I see here!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmCJGiL_kpQ&NR=1

Learning... There is another part to this "clip"...
These is some adult supervised teen kristian "missionary" group with the Star of David on T shirts. cheap... I am ashamed of what I see here. sick to my stomach.

A while back some said, "not all this and not all that and not all this and not all that..." I do not want to be this OR that. No. I'd rather die. I speak the truth. My heart can't take this world. I am blessed to have a short time. I tell you blessed.

Israel, if you can see this, please, forgive the chaos...; November 27, 2008 12:30 AM
Anonymous said...: REAL miracle!! REAL miracle!! REAL miracle!!

In January, it will be one year that I have not seen her -- heard her. For a while I kept her voice on the answering machine -- just to hear her say, "PLEASE come over any time -- I am sleeping a lot now. But I want you here. Even if you just sit down next to me or lie on the other bed and nap with me. Come over ANY time..."

It is good when we find a friend who "recognizes" us. When we recognize one another. It is good. Good is a good word.

I cry tonight thinking about her.
Missing her. She asked nothing for herself. Endured so much and was safe telling me. But she did not share her suffering in words to her family. And she shared no "need". She was Carin'. Always for others. She said, "I will die the way I live". If I change now -- what does that say about my life-choices? She had already given up her will -- her life before she was diagnosed. Some people call this born again -- others "rescue" or "saved". And she did live every day. Changed and changing. She lived it. She did not like, "talking heads". She was a watcher. Could see. And had a very refined intuition. For this reason, she was alone. She lived her integrity. And kept treasures inside. (I was one of her treasures -- her friend.)

One of the last times she could stand -- maybe around this time last year -- we huddled together for whispers and she thanked me... And she wrapped her chemical-gray thin arms around my fluffy. We dove deep and from the bottom of the ocean's floor, I said, "You have so much life in you." And she said, "I was just going to say the same thing about you." About two month’s later, she died.

Today is Thanksgiving. No one knows me more than the One who created me to recognize Him -- to love Him -- to learn and to follow Him... And, as I do, I am humbled by what I see. He loves me. This is invisible -- sacred and holy.

And so too is are "the miracles" when we find a seen one who sees The Lover of Our Soul -- the invisible Holy Spirit of God -- Jesus Christ -- in us. A miracle when we recognize one another. Deep. A miracle. A REAL miracle!

I read once that we tend to project what we want or need to see in others – only to later be hurt, used or to hurt or use. We do this as people in search of “recognize”. More often than not, when I was younger, I wanted to know and be known. Over and over again, I attracted many various people to me. Again, like the periodic table of elements, it seems true with people… I remember my science Prof. helping us to understand chemistry by saying a little something like “8 is great”. Connections and connections and connections – all want to become 8. In faith, I am complete – whole and total – at rest and in peace at… 7 is not “great” but it is complete.

Sometimes when our eyes are first open, we think we have the whole world on our head. And we think the universe is ‘me’ and we think we are God. This is not true. It’s just getting used to “seeing” and “hearing”. Complete means “recognizing” what is not seen in you and me. And it is silently, humbly, and in sanctuary (everything that word is defined as) sometimes seeing a friend who, too, has been “recognized”.

I ramble. I know. Today I share with you about Carin’…
Tonight, I miss her in a way that I do not miss her… It’s odd, I know. Seven is what number people call an “odd number”. If “odd” means secure, safe, living and loving – Life and Love eternal… And, seeing the beauty and the extended forgiveness and grace to ALL who are ready to be done… Whoever, wherever, through out every wage and culture… There is no “need”. And, because it is “odd” it is a REAL miracle!! And a miracle is “not logical” at all. There is a secret in this. I believe, with all my heart, “there is no well too deep, where the Hand of God can’t reach.” I know, with very simple logic – after watching a while, there are some who would rather die (and that could mean having LOTS of stuff and being well known, with lots of fans and money…) than to cry and call from the inside out. And work for, look for, desire to think or feel “the great” more than recognize… It is hard for the soul of a man to desire less than “great” and rest. And I believe now, it is impossible – thus the underground.

Faith… Hope… and Love
The greatest of these is LOVE…
REAL miracle!! REAL miracle!! REAL miracle!!

Hi Carin’ friends…
God is love.; November 27, 2008 9:18 PM
Anonymous said...: YouTube via email
Original from "down under"

hummmmmm...
Come let us reason together.

http://videos.komando.com/2008/11/23/no-arms-no-legs-no-worries/

________ is to ________
As ___________ is to ____________?; November 27, 2008 10:55 PM
Anonymous said...: "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous." (Psalms 34:15)
"The eyes of the Lord are in every place." (Proverbs 15:3); November 27, 2008 10:57 PM
Anonymous said...: RE: "_______ Amazing"

LoveAmazing LoveAmazing LoveAmazing LoveAmazing LoveAmazing LoveAmazing LoveAmazing LoveAmazing LoveAmazing LoveAmazing LoveAmazing LoveAmazing LoveAmazing LoveAmazing LoveAmazing LoveAmazing LoveAmazing LoveAmazing
Love...
Amazing Love

I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,
I’m accepted, You were condemned.
I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,
Because You died and rose again.

Amazing love,
How can it be
That You, my King, would die for me?
Amazing love,
I know it’s true.
It’s my joy to honor You,
In all I do, I honor You.

I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,
I’m accepted, You were condemned.
I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,
Because You died and rose again.

People... they always forget that part. RU a reader? The... Evidence That Demands a Verdict has helped some people with that "logic" thing. I think, however, if babies and children "get it" we don't need all the books.

But, I have been told this is a good place to start it has a huge bibliography... "whatever".; November 28, 2008 12:33 PM
Anonymous said...: So I take it you are going to keep spamming this place eventhough Nic has left? I am not sure why you don't just go and do that on your own page. It would certainly show you have atleast a small amount of respect for this person's blog.

But I take it that is too much to ask for. After all everyone asked you to stop it when Nic was still updating and you ignored that too.
Commen decency. Look it up.

And don't bother giving me your usual long ass rambling reply. I only came here to see if anyone interesting still posts. Apparently it is mainly just you and your endless spam.
Shame.; November 28, 2008 3:18 PM
Brianna Melrose said...: I just finished reading your book recently, and it amazed me. Honestly, couldn't put the book down.

I live in Portland, it's a beautiful city, I think you'll enjoy it.

Take care,
Bri.; November 28, 2008 3:42 PM
Anonymous said...: DON'T GO THERE!!
darknights if you do...; November 28, 2008 4:03 PM
Anonymous said...: more later...
there is no "enigma"; November 28, 2008 4:06 PM
Anonymous said...: Re:"So I take it you are going to keep spamming this place eventhough Nic has left? I am not sure why you don't just go and do that on your own page. It would certainly show you have atleast a small amount of respect for this person's blog.

But I take it that is too much to ask for. After all everyone asked you to stop it when Nic was still updating and you ignored that too.
Commen decency. Look it up.

And don't bother giving me your usual long ass rambling reply. I only came here to see if anyone interesting still posts. Apparently it is mainly just you and your endless spam.
Shame."

I did not read all of what you wrote, anon...

on my way out the door next.
And that will then lead to a stop, of course...
When the New Dawn Transmission
Is taken off "the net"
Or my HTML is blocked.

Waiting...; November 28, 2008 4:13 PM
Anonymous said...: Nic,
If you ever get around to reading this again I just want you to know that your story and your writing has meant so much to me. As I know it has to so many others.

There is nothing to be said to those who have chosen to ruin your entent here and for that I am sorry. I will miss your writing.

But go on with your life and aim high. As well as you can. That's all any of us can do. And please believe that there are many, many more of us on this planet that want to help raise you up than those you seem to want to bring you down.

We're all in this together. Let's just try to be the best we can be... each one of us... ourselves. It seems like the most reasonable place to start.; November 28, 2008 6:33 PM
Anonymous said...: ..and to the Spellchecker squad...

Yes, I really do know the word is spelled "intent." It was just a mere slip of a middle finger...; November 28, 2008 6:45 PM
Anonymous said...: Anons...

WRITE! If this site is going to stay "open", are you saying nothing from YOUR heart is worthy to communicate?

You have no idea what it means to be manipulated into blogging your shame three days a week in the name of "Go Ask Alice". Next step here is YOU writing "raw" and becoming the poster "boy" for users and addicts. Right? Why do you feel it is your responsibility to "lift [any man] up"? For what good is this? Isn't it more beautiful to live a simple life -- a quiet life -- and work with your hands. And if you need and feel you are going to "lift someone up" MAYBE it is YOU who needs?

I do not at all understand glorifying the pain and shame of the sick soul and it's tender moments of healing. No one on this sight has given any real answers. Would it be to feel more validated in sickness rather than health?

I wonder if addicts might be better off reading, learning and "uplifitng" people who are struggling with cancer? I wonder if people who struggle with sick children would benefit "uplifting" others? If we all stick to what is easy and known to us -- do we not eventually learn to love the collective muck and mire in our own reflective mud pool?

I ask these questions sincerely. Nic is an example of one man who (in his words) wrote a book. In the process (though he does not tell this in Tweak)of writting the book, he almost dies. It seems to me, the man has "moved on" and in fact is "uplifted" however, not by human hands.

What do I imagine at book tours? I see a mom stuggling with her child. And afraid he might die. And I see Nic sharing about how he has learned to love walking his dog... people watching -- talking to old men on bus stop benches... strangers. I imagine that this would offer hope... Not the "I was this and I was that." MAYBE now it is, "I am this and I am learning that..."?

I tell you, if anyone of us counts on others to "lift us up" we are in for a fall. Why? Because we use.

So... What now? Whatever you have "missed" in the "naked man" go ahead -- do it yourself and see where it gets you? Do not expect another mere man to provide you with words that you seem to need to feel better about your muddy choices. It removes you into a "viewer" soul-state and blocks the heart of expression that may be needed for yourself to "get clean".

"We're all just people, you know?" Because something is public does not mean that there MUST not be a path for private. More often than not, the most beautiful "stories" are in Life Lived... Share... there is room. This is a scroll for evermore. There is room to "tell your story" until this site is off the internet. Respond, question... whatever. What ever "you miss" is not "Nic Sheff". Too easy, "fans" make it impossible for a man to live his life as a simple man. And that is not "lifting anyone up" at all, is it?; November 29, 2008 12:43 AM
Anonymous said...: Here is laughter though tears.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSnXE2791yg

... Just wait!
"Those who wait on the LORD renew their strength..."
Are you reading suggested books?
Are you learning?
Are you enjoying the smell of baked cookies?
Eating popcorn?
Drinking sleepy time tea?
Taking walks in the rain?
Looking at strangers in the eye
Begging for a smile?
Lighting candles with good smells.
Did I mention reading the Bible?
Writing prayer letters
Praising and singing and writing
Songs of songs...
LOVING the tiny
Seeing the tiny
Valueing the tiny

Buying clothes for the homeless?
Blankets and coats?
Volunteering this time of year
For Christmas...

There is SO MUCH Life
when we write about our heart health in everyday
Wonders.

Walk slow
Slow.

Go to the wall with the invisible one if you need to get to get rid of "the strong man" that needs, needs, needs.

Fill the weakness -- in our weakness we are strong.

Forgiveness is REAL; November 29, 2008 1:11 AM
richardnoble said...: Wow this really sucks. I jump here every so often and it's always so intersting to see what's going on in the long run. As long as it's not anonymous anymore....Oh my God I wanted to scream.
Fuck. I really hate this shit. You're on drugs. The only reason things change is because people use drugs. Trust me.....situations may change but as long as Ive been sober, I still have the same people in my life. Yea, your idea about saying good bye to your BLOG, well maybe that'll change too. I hope so. WOuld love to see and hear about how you're doing over time.
PEACE.....Oregon? Sounds beautiful up there. Yea....LA's a freaking mess. That's why Im in Palm Springs.
And doesn't anybody listen? Nic says he has a friend.
School? What will be your studies. I pulled out of biology. I was doing awful. Remember the Kenny I told you about? Well, he showed up and my head spun off. Anyway, Im walking though it. It's definately not easy. Nut next Sunday Ill have one Year sober from everything. I also was elected my first time as the secretary to a step study of Crystal Meth Anonymous.; November 29, 2008 8:15 AM
Anonymous said...: Richard, you make me smile. Sincerly, you do! If it matters to you (understanding it might not) nevertheless, I communicate.

Richard, if you read the little messages you will see that the "names" are anons. I am not interested in lying about an alter ego or whatever. It is more true to be "anon". I am REALLY anonymous. I do not want to lie. That said, I notice that these "faces" or "images" or "art" or whatever, are creative... I read one who said "pretending to be an alter ego". This appears to be more false than to write as an anonymous? Earlier in this blog, it was determined that there were a number of anons. And I believe one "name" wrote something like 'I have written as anonymous I'll let you try and guess which ones.'

With the freedom to change my mind (and the room to do so) it seems more true-to-heart to write anonymous.

May I "palm-spring" from this? I have one name. I had a friend who legally changed her name to a random name (no connection to family) because it sounded "rich" and "provided her a 'new start'" because her given name had accumulated so much garbage....' She thought she could get rid of it by changing her name? NOPE.
Just a childish notion -- a "splitting" if you will. When I refused to call her by this "new name" she said, "YOU DO NOT RESPECT ME! I AM NO LONGER YOUR FRIEND."

Now we have peeps who play around with "alters" as if to get them out of the sticky mess they find themselves. Justifying, "the REAL me would never write this or that." NOPE.

Richard, I am happy for you that you are sober now for a year.

There is something really bothering me, Richard. Something that is "religious" and sick and messed up. I have thought about this thing for... a few days. Waiting to see if it goes away. I am mad (very mad) about it. And well, I don't want to start throwing dishes around the kitchen as it seems to be all cleaned up. I am wondering if I might take some eggs outside and start throwing them? Maybe if I just print up a bunch of flyers?

I'll wait... I wonder if this knight in the name of jz would ram babies if called out? she has already... man, o man.... how the kids so want to believe in santa clause. How do we tell them the Truth?

PS
The more anons the better. And Richard... stay clean, okay?; November 29, 2008 11:53 AM
Anonymous said...: The Allegory of the Stranger-Guest
What is family and who do we invite as our “guest”?

Found this during a exhausting walk to a place called "family". ("There is a Friend that is closer than a brother.")

How is it so comforting for me to know I no longer fit into the boundaries of what is called "family"? And yet, I have the freedom and peace covering to speak the truth in love to those who claim they are "family". How wonderful it is for me to be kicked out -- gossiped about -- judged and hated? It is like a release from jail. It is like a "family" of addicts kicking out the one who does not use. Is this "the end"? No. Ironically, I am invited to visit with good friends. "There IS and ARE friends that are closer than a brother."

There is One who is called Stranger-guest. He goes from place to the place – wherever He is invited. And the Stranger-guest brings what is called a hostess gifts...

The guest is so thankful, and sings praises of the peace He knows. It is SO peaceful that He is not judgmental. He LOVES to simply visit bearing gifts... and to know that the ability to do this is far beyond what one can muster up in so called self-strength.

The Stranger-guest never knows what to expect – is always open and speaks the Truth. Strategy and forethought is not a part of the Stranger-guest’s being -- His heart and soul. The Stranger-guest offers to help in the kitchen when necessary… and will help the hosts when asked. For the most part, the Stranger-guest does not like to play games, but if everyone in the place is playing games, the stranger-guest might participate (as a guest) and mirror back the games being played.

Now, if the "hosts" do not accept The Gift – and in fact HATE The Gift – the stranger-guest just sits… waiting for the time to leave. The stranger-guest simply bends in half and lays his head on the table. Left cheek on the table top, face toward the door. Tired, the Stranger-guest might ramble and pipe-in every so often as the bla, bla, bla... rammmbles on around him – but mainly The Stranger-guest waits until it is time to Fly Home.

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The Stranger-guests report:

1.) Denial is a big thing in nuclear families.
2.) Usually Stranger-guests are not welcome.
3.) It is a major problem if a stranger-guest is called “family”.
4.) People who live in denial call The Truth lies.
5.) People in denial believe their own lies. The love 'opinions' and call themselves "humble' but will not turn or sincerely cry, "I am sorry" to the One who matters.
6.) Fear grips the heart and soul of people who deny.
7.) They are afraid of death and will not talk about it.
8.) They say, “I want a leader that makes the children pick up ALL the dog dung.”; November 29, 2008 3:03 PM